Friday, December 13, 2013

The Vampire Diaries Recap: Daddy Issues (Mid-Season Finale)

This episode was titled "50 Shades of Grayson" proving that nothing is safe from the "50 Shades" hype, ugh. As the name suggests, Elena learns the truth about her father, Dr. Grayson Gilbert, this week... and it ain't pretty.

The episode opens up with Damon still trapped in his cell in the basement of Whitmore House, looking kind of pissed. He notices a bullet on the floor (that Aaron had dropped while loading the gun, before he shot Damon in the head), stretches as far as he can to reach it and uses it blow up the lock of his cell. Then some aggressive kicking pops it open. Good job MacGuyver!

Back at Casa de Salvatore, Katherine wakes up in bed alongside Stefan which makes her happy, until she notices that her hair is turning grey and falling out. She runs away without letting Stefan look at her and crosses paths with Damon. She tells him that she and Stefan were together all night...
Katherine: Our hot naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion
Damon: I'm gonna barf.
Katherine: Great. Then my work here is done.
There, it's official! The bad asses of this show (Damon and Katherine) get much better lines than the goody goodies (Stefan and Elena). Love it. Nothing is better than snark.

Damon is looking for Elena, but can't find her anywhere. Of course, we know that she's with Dr. Wes Maxfield being experimented on. She wakes up in a lab somewhere with Dr. Wes referring her as subject 83182. Creeptastic. 

Question: Why did Dr. Wes experiment on Jesse in the lab at Whitmore college, where anyone could have easily found him, but has this extra special secret lab for Elena? (Turns out this lab is the basement of her father's old clinic, which is now a condemned building in Mystic Falls.)

Damon tells Stefan that he can't find Elena and believes that Dr. Maxfield has her (he's right - also duh). He doesn't know where they are, so they need to use Aaron as leverage.
Damon: Pop Quiz! So your girlfriend is take by an evil scientist. Do you A) get a new girlfriend, B) call the police or C) kill someone close to that mad scientist?
Dr. Wes is draining Elena's blood in one of his creepy experiments and chitchatting with Elena.
Dr. Wes: Did you know Aaron Whitmore spent his entire life thinking his family was haunted by some death curse? Turns out that curse was your boyfriend systematically killing every member on his family tree. I'm curious. How does one justify that in your mind?
Elena: And this? Holding people against their will. Torturing them. How do you justify that?
Dr. Wes: Science.
Oh Science! So that makes it okay! He reads to her from a journal of experiment notes and tells her that they are the "handwritten medical findings of Dr. Grayson Gilbert" -- her father! Dr. Wes learned everything he knows from him.

Stefan and Damon ask Aaron where Elena is, but he doesn't know.
Damon: Well, you're gonna call Wes and tell him that if he doesn't give us Elena, the next experiment that he conducts is gonna be sewing your arms back on.
 Aaron calls Dr. Wes and asks for Elena back or that the Salvatores will kill him.
Dr. Wes: Damon Salvatore is locked in an impenetrable and inescapable fortified cell.
Aaron: Or he's in front of me, imagining what my kidney would taste like.
Really, how "impenetrable, inescapable and fortified" was that cell if Damon was able to escape so easily? Dr. Wes agrees to meet them in his classroom and when he knows that Aaron is safe, he'll give up Elena. But of course he's lying. He goes back to the lab and unstraps Enzo. He gives him an injection (an "insurance policy that guarantees you'll come back to me) and then gives him the "day off", so he and Damon can catch up.

Somewhere in the woods, Matt is helping Katherine work out. She is out of shape, losing her hearing and eyesight. She's dying wants to prolong this death thing and stay hot as long as possible. Unfortunately, she can't become a vampire again because her body rejects vampire blood (a consequence of taking the cure). The Nadia arrives, pissed off that Katherine attempted suicide without saying goodbye. Katherine asks Nadia if she thinks after all the horrible things she's done, it would be possible to be forgiven. Nadia assumes she means her own forgiveness (but we can assume she was talking about Stefan). Nadia has an idea to keep Katherine alive a little longer...of course we won't find out what it is just yet because we have to check on the status of all the other characters.

Dr. Wes reveals that Elena's dad was working with the Augustines to turn vampire blood into a magical cure-all. He also tells her that Enzo is on a day trip to take care of some unresolved business with Damon. Elena realizes that Enzo was the Augustine vampire who killed her roommate Megan. Dr. Wes reveals that the reason Megan had a photo of herself with Elena's dad because her parents funded his projects. They didn't know the details, but knew he had an unregulated compound that could cure most injuries (vampire blood). She got suspicious though... that's why she went to Whitmore College, sought out Dr. Gilbert's daughter, and went to the party at Whitmore House. She found Enzo in his cell and got too close and he killed her.


Damon reveals to Stefan that he was an Augustine test subject in the '50s and Aaron is the descendent of "vampire-probing, blood-testing organ-removing freaks". When Damon, Stefan and Aaron arrive at Dr. Wes's classroom, Dr. Wes isn't there.. but Enzo is waiting for them. He's pretty pissed that Damon left him to die in that fire. Stefan calls Dr. Wes, pissed off that he sent Enzo instead of holding up his end of the agreement.
Stefan: We have Aaron and we're trying to decide how to kill him.
Dr. Wes: Funny. I have Elena and I'm wondering how she'll survive without her cerebral cortex. Touch him and you'll never see her again.
Stefan: That threat works both ways.
Enzo tells everyone the story of their New Year's Eve plan, including how Damon left him there to die in a fire.

Question: Why did Damon leave him there to die? As in, why couldn't he get the cage open? He should've taken the fucking key from the doctor who let him out! The guy was lying there dead on the floor... was it too hard to check his pockets before he turned off his emotions and walked away? Just saying, that's kind of a plot hole. 
Stefan: You didn't tell me about him.
Damon: It was the 1950s. I'm supposed to remember every moment of my life? Do you want to kill Aaron or should I?
Stefan: This guy was your cellmate for 5 years. You left him to die, he comes back and you're completely unfazed?
Damon: Fine, I will.
Aaron offers to give them the files on his family history that Dr .Wes had given him, in exchange to not killing him. Enzo says Damon isn't going anywhere... so Stefan takes Aaron to his dormroom to get the files.
Damon: Call me if you find anything. Kill him if you don't.
Back at Casa de Salvatore, Nadia's idea to prolong Katherine's life is spirit-possession (the same way that Gregor had taken possesion fo Matt's body, even after he died). Since Katherine's father was a Traveler, then she technically is and just needs to learn the passenger spell. Katherine's father never allowed her to do Traveler magic, but it's in her blood so she could keep living in someone else's body, even after her body dies. Katherine doesn't want to because Stefan likes the body she already has. She admits that they may have "rekindled" something and Nadia realizes that it was Stefan that Katherine was talking about when she mentioned forigveness, not her. If she has to die, knowing that Stefan still cares wouldn't be such a bad way to die.
Katherine: Look, maybe I don't want to die a sad, lonely 538-year-old.
Enzo tells Damon that he has been injected with a poison that will cause him to desicate if he doesn't get back to the lab at some point for the antidote. He won't get the antidote until Damon is dead.

Question: If Enzo had a "deadline" (before the poison caused him to desicate) to kill Damon, why the fuck did he waste all that itme with the long story and chit chatting...?

Damon wants to go back together, get Enzo the antidote, kill Dr. Wes, finish this together. Enzo throws Damon out a window. They fight, but Enzo keeps growing weaker thanks to the poison. Damon doesn't want to fight him. He only defends himself enough to stay alive... Enzo starts to dessicate so Damon demands to know where Elena is, but Enzo falls unconscious in his arms.

Over in Aaron's dormroom, he secretly grabs a gun to try to defend himself from Stefan, but you know, Stefan is a vampire so he doesn't fall for that shit.
Stefan: If you want me to kill you, I will kill you. Do not test me.
Aaron: Dude, I'm dead already. Damon's been planning my death since before I was born.
He tells Stefan about Damon's Whitmore family tree serial killing spree... He asks Stefan to kill him so he won't give Damon the satisfaction. Stefan spares him, and tells him that not all of them are like Damon. Aaron gives him the Augustine files and mentions that he saw Elena's last name on a few pages, so maybe it will help.

Back in her father's lab, Elena has a flashback to a time as a little girl when she wandered downstars of her father's clinic and heard screaming coming from a locked door. Her dad told her the basement is a "kids free zone" and tells her it's okay because he's going to save a little girl's life, who is almost the same age as her. Dr. Wes's research is a little more sinister. He's developing a compound that will casue Elena to salivate at the smell of vampire blood, like he had done to Jesse. Jesse couldn't stop feeding and tried to kill Damon, which is the point. It's his goal to make vampires crave their own kind. Elena is the next patient and he's going to inject her with this compound that will make her crave vampire blood, but she is scared this will turn her into a ripper. She begs him not to but he stabs the syringe into her chest anyway.



Before he can push the plunger though, Stefan arrives. His yell of "Elena?" distracts Dr. Wes long enough for Elena to headbutt him and knock him out. Stefan saves her and leaves Dr. Wes unconsicous on the floor. She grabs her father's journal before she leaves.

Back at the Mystic Grille, Nadia visits Matt and asks him to hold onto the traveler's knife (the one that killed Gregor from within Matt). She's leaving town and needs to know that it's safe. If Katherine decides to live a little longer, she will need that knife to save her life. Nadia tells Matt that she searched for Katherine for 500 years, only to lose her again. She doesn't know if she should hate her for giving up or be at her side when she dies. Matt commiserates with her, because he had a crappy mom too. He also understands that there's always that bit of hope that the crappy parent will come through for them. So Matt tells Nadia that if Katherine changes her mind, he will have the knife for her.

Enzo wakes up back in the lab with Damon. He injected him the contents of a bunch vials that said "antidote" and one of them worked. Elena is safe and Damon doesn't want Enzo to desicate in vain. He tells him he didn't feel guilty about leaving Enzo, because in order to leave him he had to shut off his humanity and felt nothing. No remorse, no regret, no pain... but now they're even.
Enzo: Even if I forgave you Damon, would that make you less of a horrible person? You were the most important person in my life and you ruined me. That's just who you are and will alwasy be... a monster.
Yikes. Unfortunately, Damon may have taken Enzo's words to heart... Back at Casa de Salvatore, Elena sits by the fire reading her father's journal. She realizes that the little girl who her father had saved (the one she remembered in her flashback), was Elena's roommate Megan. He saved her using vampire blood and that's why Megan had a photo of him in her phone. (Sorry to those of you who were hoping Megan was his secret love child.) The following converation made me yell "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" at my screen, so I'm going to just give it to you all verbatim.
Damon: 100 pages of horrific torture and you find the one happy passage.
Elena: My father used his research to save people Damon. Children... families...
Damon: Yeah, and dissected vampires along the way. Newsflash Elena, you are a vampire. Do you honestly think that he would sit here and see you as anything more?
Elena: I don't know, he was my dad, I can't not defend him.
Damon: Oh I know you can't. You do it for me all the time.
Elena: I'm not defending you. I'm not defending your decision to kill Aaron's entire family... to go out of town and kill his aunt, while we were still together.
Damon: So why are you still here? I'm bad Elena. I'm bad for you. So why wouldn't you have run away from me as far as humanly possible?
Elena: Because I love you Damon. Because I chose you and because I stand by my choice.
Damon: Well now I'm choosing. And I'm choosing to let you go.
Elena: What? No, Damon.
Damon: I'm choosing to not have to think about how you must feel every time some ghost from my past comes into our lives. I'm choosing to relieve you of having to defend me for every awful thing I've ever done.
Elena: Stop acting like I'm perfect. Damon, I've done horrible things too. You think I'm gonna stand here and judge you after I find out that you've been tortured for 5 years...
Damon: Stop defending me! I won't change who I am. I can't. But I refuse to change you. 
And he walks out. Elena starts to cry. And then we ALL start to cry! Noooooo! Damon come baaaaaack!

How's the other Petrova doppelganger doing? She's also about to get her heart broken and start to cry... She wants to talk to Stefan about last night. He tells her that they got swept up in the moment, but he can't just forget everything she put him through for the last 147 years. She reveals her gray hair. She's dying and she wants redemption. But 147 years is a long time to forgive in one night.
Katherine: One night... an eternity... you'd never look at me the way you look at Elena, would you?
Aaron goes to the Dr. Wes's lab and finds Wes knocked out on the floor. Aaron is very upset at Dr. Wes.

Question: How did he know where to find him? Stefan found Elena, presumably, through the notes Aaron gave him... but if Aaron knew where the secret lab was, why didn't he just tell Stefan about it, instead of making him waste the time reading the files?
Aaron: Do you really think that you're helping people with this vampire crap? You sold me out! You used my life as a bargaining chip. 
He picks up the syringe from the floor and leaves (huh?) telling Dr. Wes that he never wants to see him again and to get the hell out of his life.

Back at Casa de Salvatore, Elena throws her father's medical journal into the fire and Katherine calls Nadia, telling her that she wants to stay alive. She needs Nadia to find her a Traveler to teach her the spell.

Question: Why doesn't Nadia know the spell? She and Gregor did it for Matt... she can't teach Katherine? Katherine drops the phone mid-call and starts to have a heart attack. She falls down teh stairs (or a really obvious stunt double with a bad wig falls down the stairs) and lays there dying....

Way to leave it on a major cliffhanger TVD because we won't see new episodes until January 23!

Friday, December 6, 2013

The Vampire Diaries Recap: Creepy Doctor Edition

The Vampire Diaries just keeps getting weirder and weirder...

It opens with a flashback to 1953, Damon arrives looking very 50s in a white T-shirt and leather jacket to meet with one of his descendants, Joseph Salvatore. However Joseph has lured him there under false pretenses. He stabs Damon with vervain (who then proceeds to kill him) just as a creepy dude walks in and says "well now I don't have to pay him". He introduces himself as his new doctor. That doctor is Dr. Whitmore. The theme of this week's episode is "creepy doctors" apparently... Flash forward to the present where Damon wakes up in jail cell with Dr. Wes Maxfield, who explains that he lost a test subject last night (Jesse) and Damon is going to replace him.


Back at Casa de Salvatore, Katherine is writing in a diary.Wait, what?
So here I am alive. Stefan saved me from killing myself. Now he's got me on suicide watch. He says it will be therapeutic to write down my feelings about the fact that I'm dying and there's nothing I can do about it. Deep thoughts... mortal coil... blah blah blah.
Katherine: What kind of sentimental idiot writes down everything they feel?
Exactly what we were all thinking. Nothing on this show would've been weirder than Katherine taking up the vampire-diary hobby like Elena and Stefan always did. Props to the writers for including that little joke, although I'm sure they just used it as a form of exposition to remind the viewers that she's dying (of rapid old aging - although she still looks young) and Stefan is trying to keep from committing suicide. She explains to him that he's not going to be much help if he's still having his PTSD panic attacks (after being trapped by Silas in a safe at the bottom of the quarry all summer). So she's enlisted some help to get him back to his old self... Caroline. Um, what? Stefan needs help and they call Caroline to be his new faux-therapist? Yeah, okay.

She shows up with the very safe that he was trapped in. "Don't worry, I sanitized it." Oh, because that's the part that he was worried about. 

Back on campus at Whitmore College, Elena goes to visit Aaron who tells her that his roommate Jesse is dead. Campus security has told him it was a suicide. Of course, Elena already knew he was dead - she's the one who killed him, after he was trying to eat her boyfriend. Aaron is depressed because he's like the anti-Midas. Everyone he touches turns to dead. Except for Wes of course, his legal guardian who Elena begged Damon not to kill last episode for Aaron's sake. Bet she's going to regret that one by the end of this episode though. 

Aaron tells Elena that Wes has been his guardian since the summer, when his aunt Sarah died. He mentions her name specifically because it's going to matter later, obvi. The reason Elena is there to visit Aaron is because Damon never came back from not-killing Wes last night. She's worried and wants Aaron to help her find Wes so she can grill him about the disappearance of her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Damon and Wes are having a conversation about creepy old Dr. Whitmore. In a flashback, we see Dr. Whitmore explaining to Damon that he's experimenting on him for the advancement of science. He's particularly interested in the fact that his blood heals others and his body heals and regenerates itself.
Damon: Listen, how I got this amazing body has nothing to do with science.
Modern Day: Damon is disappointed to hear that the Augustine freaks are still at it, but Wes tells him that he's going to take his research to the next level. Considering that the last level was training Jesse to crave vampire blood instead of human blood makes us all shudder to think about what the next level might be.

Elena and Aaron discuss Jesse's fake-suicide. Neither he nor Megan had any reason to kill themselves. Elena tells Aaron that Megan was murdered and Wes forged her death certificate. He's part of "something" but Aaron wants to hear his side of the story first. They get to Whitmore House (where Megan was killed) and just like the night of the frat party, she can't enter without being invited... but when Aaron tells her "what are you waiting for? Come in" it works. 
Elena: So... who owns this place?
Aaron: Not to sound like a douche, but technically, I do. It's part of the Whitmore Trust that I inherited when my parents died. Yeah. Don't hold that against me. Usually when people find out that my name's Aaron Whitmore...
Elena: Hold on, your last name's Whitmore. So you like... own this school?

Then she notices her dad in a photograph labeled Whitmore House 50th Anniversary Commemoration. Wes walks in and tells her that her father was one of the best doctors the Augustines ever had... just as he stabs her with a syringe of vervain.
Wes: I'm glad he didn't live to see this.

Just had a random thought. A few seasons ago when Elijah woke up in Damon and Stefan's house (after Elena removed the dagger from his heart) he started dying or something because he hadn't been invited in. So how did they get Damon into Whitmore House in the first place? If Dr. Whitmore was the owner but he didn't meet him until after he talked to Joseph, who invited him in? Huh.

Back at Casa de Salvatore, Caroline is playing Psychology 101 and Stefan isn't thrilled with the idea.

Stefan: I spent three months drowning in this thing, what the hell were you thinking?
Caroline: I was thinking it's time for you to deal with the source of your PTSD.

Stefan: And you're sure you're not just sublimating your feelings about what happened to Jesse last night?
Caroline: Feelings? What feelings would I have about my best friend killing the guy I was crushing on?
Stefan: He was out of control and Elena did what she had to do.
Caroline: No. Elena did what she thought she had to do, just like she also thought that Damon was good boyfriend material - now see where I'm going with this?
Stefan: Anyway, aren't you a drama major? What do you know about PTSD?

My thoughts exactly! Caroline is such a hypocritical bitch lately, I can't take it. Even if this plan works I will still hate her because she's so stupid. She went from my least favorite character in the first season, to one of my favorites (after she became a vampire) and now we're right back to least favorite.

Back at Whitmore House, Aaron is freaking out. Wes explains that he studies vampires and Elena is one. He tells him that his family pioneered this secret vampire science work and it's the Whitmore Trust that funds his research. This is what his family fought for and believed in - it's his legacy! (At no point does he mention to Aaron that he turned his roommate Jesse into a vampire for the sole purpose of experimenting him and that's what got him killed.)

Downstairs, Elena wakes up to find Damon in the jail cell next to her. She's confused. He explains the "grand Augustine tradition" to her. He recounts tales of being tortured and disected every day for five years. He didn't go crazy because he had a friend down there - another vampire named Enzo. He had been there for 10 years before Damon got there. They would discuss their creative dreams of revenge together, which is what helped them keep each other sane.

Elena tells Damon that Wes knew her dad and they worked together. She's having trouble reconciling the idea that her dad was an Augustine too. 
Elena: I know he was a vampire hunter but he was also the town doctor. He was kind and gentle and Loving. He wouldn't be part of a place that would cut your eyes out. 
Damon: People are full of surprises.

Truer words were never spoken and TVD wants us to remember that. (Also, Damon gets the best lines in this show.) Damon apologizes to her for getting her caught up in this and promises to get her out of there. Um... how exactly is this his fault? She should apologize to him! If she had just let him kill Wes in the first place, none of this would have happened. It's her fault they're trapped there, not his.

After the commercial break we return to Stefan locked in a safe. That should be the next spin-off series.
Stefan: Caroline, are you sure you know what you're doing?
Caroline: Yes. Well, it's in my textbook, let me find it. 
Dumb question, of course she doesn't know what she's doing!

Katherine asks if they ever "you know' and Caroline is offended by the question. 
Caroline: We are friends.
Katherine: Your loss, he's great in bed.
Caroline reads from the textbook while Katherine complains... meanwhile Stefan is having a panic attack in the safe and they're just letting him have it. Great fucking therapy Caroline! Katherine tells Caroline that Stefan is always the hero, he always comes through for everyoen else - even when he can't come through for himself. So how do they help him?

Back in vampire jail, Damon explains to Elena that Enzo's friendship helped him hang onto his humanity. There's so much reverse-foreshadowing in the flashback convo where they talk about women, that it's almost too clever.
Enzo: Just one girl?
Damon: Never met another like her.
Enzo: Well, fair enough.
Ha. Get it? He finally did meet another "like" her... her doppelganger Elena.

Enzo tells Damon about the woman he loved. Her name was Maggie and she worked for Dr. Whitmore. She was beautiful and kind and wasn't part of the torture. When she realized what was really going on, she couldn't bear it so she quit. (Of course, she didn't exactly help Enzo out though did she.)
Damon: Well... you know, never really would've worked anyway. You're a vampire, she's a human. The relationship would've been doomed from the beginning.

Ha again! Thought I have to wonder if Maggie - or one of her family members - will return to the storyline again. Maybe Maggie was Megan's grandmother or something.


Elena tells Damon that Stefan will figure it out and find them, once neither of them comes home or contacts him. Damon tells her that's unlikely... he never knew what happened to Damon at Whitmore House. They weren't in contact back in the 50s and he didn't see the point in telling him about it after he'd escaped.
Elena: But you did escape.

Turns out once a year (New Year's Eve) they'd have a cocktail party and let the vampires out for show. They were weak from vervain injections and and half-starved from living on only a glass of blood a day. They would let the guests drink their blood to demonstrate the healing power of vampire blood. Neat party trick! Enzo came up with a plan for one of them to drink both glasses of blood a day (the other to drink nothing) for the next year, to build up his strength for the next NYE. Then they could both escape. They play rock paper scissors and Damon wins.

Upstairs, Wes gives Aaron a birthday gift and it's watch to use as a "safety precaution". It's either got vervain in it or it's similar to the Gilbert rings in that wearing it will protect him in some way. Aaron is looking through Wes's files and finds out that his parents were actually killed by vampires. Wes explains that that's why he continued his father's work, to make sure this never happened again. (Oh, that's why. Sure.) Aaron punches Wes, knocking him out (best moment all season, I fucking hate that dude) and grabs a gun.

Back to Stefan-Trapped-In-A-Safe. He wakes up and Katherine is laying next to him. She got in while he was passed out and they're locked in together.
Caroline: I know it's a little extreme, but the babysteps approach wasn't working.

Katherine warns him not to get mad at her so he doesn't kill her. He needs to get over his PTSD triggers or else he will kill her.
Stefan: You're risking your life.
Katherine: I'm already dying you idiot. You're the one who wants to keep me alive. It's my turn to help you now.
Stefan: I can't be in here. Please.
Katherine: You're Stefan Salvatore, suck it up.
Dude, every time someone says "suck it up" on this show I have to laugh. They're vampires!

In vampire jail, Elena insists that Damon tell her how he got the last time, so they can make it happen again before Wes comes down to experiment on them. He's reluctant to talk about it. She says she loves him and whatever he had to do she doesn't care, she won't judge him. Ah famous last words that people say right before they judge.

Flashback to New Year's Eve 1958. Damon had been drinking Enzo's blood rations for a year (saving him a few drops here and there so he wouldn't dessicate). As Enzo starved, Damon got stronger. I have to wonder how Dr. Whitmore never noticed this during a year of experiments, that Damon was healing faster than uusal and Enzo was weaker than ever, but okay, it's a TV show. Dr. Whitmore lets him out for the show and he's strong enough to break free of his shackles. He kills him by jamming his fingers into his eyes (yikes! but rather poetic) and then slashing his neck. Then he goes around the party killing everyone. A candelabra falls down and the carpet catches fire. Enzo yells for Damon to help him, but the bars of the cage are coated in vervain. He tries several times to get him out, but he realizes that if he stays he'll never have another opportunity to escape. He will either be trapped again or they will both die. If he leaves Enzo, he can at least save himself. He knew he had to stop caring in order to leave his friend to die, so he turned of fhis emotions. As the room goes up in flames, Damon calmly and emotionlessly walks away as Enzo begs him not to leave him to die. 
Damon: I left my friend to die. After that everything was fine.
Yeah, remember how Elena said she wouldn't judge him? Check her facial expression and ask yourself if you think she's judging him. 

Back to Stefan-Trapped-In-A-Safe...


Caroline: How's it going in there? 
Shut the fuck up Caroline.

Katherine tells Stefan that she thinks there is a little truth to this doppelganger prophecy. She thinks he still loves Elena (duh) and is miserable that she chose Damon (double duh). She knows he wants to get out of Mystic Falls to get away from them, but keeps coming up with excuses to stay. She's trying to piss him off, in order to show him that the safe isn't his problem.
Katherine: You're not facing your real issues. The death that you felt in the safe... the pain of dying over and over again... It's easier to focus on the physical pain than the emotional heartbreak of Elena leaving you. Your problem is you're not in touch with the reality of the moment. So let's bring you back to to the present, shall we? In this moment are you going to feed on me or are you going to save my life? Fight it Stefan. I'm here with you, we're together.

He calms down and it looks like they are about to kiss, but just then Caroline opens the safe.
Caroline: It was so quiet, I got worried.
Stefan gets out and smiles at her. It worked. Then he and Katherine share a special look. Foreshadowing.

At Whitmore House, Aaron goes down to the basement and asks Elena for the truth!
Damon: Great, mini-Wes.

Aaron tells Elena that Wes said a vampire killed Megan. He wants to know if it was her. (Um, if she killed Megan why would she tell him that she was murdered? Would she want him to think it was suicide? Aaron is stupid.) He tells her his parents were also killed by vampires and he wants to know if it was her.

Aaron: Why else would you be so interested in me?
Damon: Calm down.
Aaron: Why else would you preted to be my friend? She's a vampire!
Damon: Not the one that killed your parents. That was all me.

Damon confesses that he killed Aaron's parents. In 1958 after Enzo was dead, Damon had to take on their revenge plans solo.It was the revenge plans that kept them going the years they were trapped down there, being tortured. It was the revenge fantasies that kept them sane... so after he left Enzo to die, he had to carry them out.
Damon: After I take out the entire Augustine Society, I'll kill every member of the Whitmore family.
Enzo: Boooo. I said use your imagination.
Damon: Except one person... I'll let that person grow up, start a family. Then I'll start killing Whitmores again. Then I'll take out the generation after that... leaving only one person to carry on the name. And then I'll take out the generation after that. And so on and so on and so on...
And that's exactly what he did. Since 1958, he's killed so many Whitmores that he lost count.
Elena: When was the last one?
Damon: A few months ago. Her name was Sara. I had to go all the way to Charleston to find her. It was a weekend trip.
Elena: But we were together a few months ago.
Damon: Starting the summer of our lives
Elena: I had no idea.
Damon: I told you it wasn't  pretty.

Aaron shoots Damon in the head and TVD goes to commercial. Cliffhanger! Only not really, we know Damon can't die from a bullet to the head (he's a vampire!) and the show writers would be flat out idiotic to kill off the best character on the entire show.

After the commercial break, Stefan is talking to Katherine by the fire. He tells her she was right. It was easier to focus on the physical pain than the breakup.
Katherine: So you admit it. I do know what I'm doing.
Stefan: To be honest with you, I never know exactly what you're doing Katherine.
Katherine: Well, Stefan sometimes I don't either.... Like right now... for example.
They kiss (by the fucking fire no less, come on). Doppelganger for the win!

Caroline calls Elena to say she's going to stay at her mom's that night. (Guess she won't be noticing Elena's absence any time soon.) Then she overhears Stefan and Katherien with her vampire hearing... ewww.

In Aaron's dorm room he' s on the phone with Wes, freaking out. He's pissed that he's been lied to his entire life. (That's sort of the theme of The Vampire Diaries no?) He's also worried that their (Elena and Damon's) friends may come after him. Wes tells him to just go to school and live his life. He puts on the watch... guess we won't find out what it means until next week.

Down in vampire jail, Damon wakes up with a major headache (ha) but Elena isn't there. She's in Wes's lab, strapped to a table, ready to be part of his next experiment.


She's not alone though...on the table next to her is none other than Enzo!  He's still alive! And no doubt a little crazy from being trapped and tortured for 70 years! And no doubt he's also a little pissed about being left for dead by Damon. So he's the Augustine Vampire that Wes was talking about a few episodes ago - the one who killed Megan during the party at Whitmore House. If Wes was able to mutate Jesse to crave only vampire blood after only having him in his lab for a week or so, who knows what they were able to do to Enzo in the last six decades. Scary shit.

Can't wait to find out what happens next week. Next week's episode - which also happens to be the mid-season "finale", with episodes returning in late January - is titled "50 Shades of Grayson". Groan. But at least we'll get to the bottom of Dr. Gilbert's dealings with the Augustine Society (was he as much of a dick as Drs. Whitmore and Maxfield or just slightly douchey) and find out what Megan was doing with that photo of him in her phone. Is he her secret daddy?

Previews from the next episode suggest that Stefan did figure out something fishy was going on because we see him call Wes and threaten to kill Aaron. I have to guess that the big reveal that Damon is still basically a serial killer (of Whitmores) as recently as only a few months ago, will finally put a gap between him and Elena that Caroline is hoping for. Maybe the new love triangle will be Elena-Stefan-Katherine... the battle of the doppelgangers! I don't care, I'm still team Damon. He can kill as many Whitmores as he wants.

People of Color Count: Jesse's dead. No Bonnie this week at all. The only person of color I noticed was a black maid in the first scene with Joseph Salvatore. She had no lines. Shame on you TVD.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Quickie: Lizzy Caplan is bringing feminism back

I was flipping through the November 21 issue of Rolling Stone yesterday and saw a Q&A with Lizzy Caplan, star Showtime's much-talked-about series Masters of Sex. I've been a fan of Caplan's acting for a long time (ever since Freaks and Geeks to be honest, but also loved her in True Blood, Bachelorette and of course, Mean Girls) so of course, I'm happy that she's getting a chance to play a meaty role like Virgina Johnson in Masters of Sex.

http://evilslutopia.com/2013/12/quickie-lizzy-caplan-is-bringing.html


After reading her Q&A I have to admit I love her even more. After Rob Tannenbaum baited her with "warning" about feminism, she didn't succumb to the usual misunderstood feminism-bashing that too many female stars have been doing lately. Read more here.

Friday, November 22, 2013

The Vampire Diaries Recap: Another Hot Jumbled Mess

The Vampire Diaries is getting weirder and weirder every week...

The episode opens up with Dr. Maxfield still being a dick, experimenting on baby vamp Jesse. We didn't see anything from Jesse in the last episode so it's nice to know he's still alive... of course, knowing TVD it won't be for long. As soon as I saw Dr. Maxfield, I instinctively tweeted about him being the worst person in the world and wishing someone would kill him already. I thought I had gotten my wish when Jesse broke free and chomped into him, but I wasn't that lucky...

Cut from Jesse to the other other "living" person of color on the show: Bonnie. She's moving into the dorms with Caroline and Elena and facetiming with her mom.Points to Bonnie for acknowledging how ridiculous their "dormroom" is.
Bonnie: It's huge right? It even has a fireplace. I mean what dorm has a fireplace?

No dorm. No dorm has a fireplace. Anywhere. Ever. This dorm is even less true-to-life than the fake NYU dorms from Felicity. I know that Caroline and Elena probably compelled residential life to give them the best room on campus, but I refuse to believe that a dorm room like this exists on any campus anywhere in the world. I can suspend my disbelief to accept the premise that there are vampires and witches and werewolves and doppelgangers... but this dorm room is too unbelievable.
Caroline and Elena enter bearing alcohol for a party that evening and cheesy exposition for the viewers.
Bonnie: I'll talk to you soon. Bye!
Elena: And by the way mom, I'm not a witch anymore because I died and I came back from the other side.
Caroline: Yeah I'm the supernatural anchor that connects our two worlds together...
Elena: So technically I'm a ghost that people can still see and touch so...
Bonnie: Okay, so I left out a detail or two. 
And then Bonnie offers her own exposition:
Bonnie: Augustine right? The one who covered up your roommate's death and wants to kick you off campus?

Come on TVD, you're better than this. Show not tell! Ugh, wish I hadn't said that... because they immediately jump to a gross PDA session between Bonnie and Jeremy, which is interrupted when a newly dead witch has to cross over to the other side through Bonnie. Ouch.
Elena: I know this is gonna sound lame but...
Damon: Anytime you start with "this is gonna sound lame", guess what... it is.
They give Damon all the best lines. Elena wants Damon to come to Bonnie's "welcome" / "welcome back" party and to bring Stefan, who now remembers that he hates them. (She also invites Aaron - friend of the dead roommate/ward of Dr. Maxfield). Stefan is still having his vampire PTSD from repeated drownings over the summer. He's not up for a party tonight.

Back at the Grille, Katherine bonds with Matt as she helps him figure out who is in his head and what they want. She explains who the Travelers are and that one of them is hitching a ride in his brain. She also figures out that it was her daughter Nadia who put the passenger in there.

Back at the dorms, Caroline takes a minute to shame Elena for dating Damon and then gets a call from Jesse.
Caroline:  Well look who rose from the dead.

Ha! Literally. He needs her help before his roommate comes home (and he inevitably eats him). Of course his roommate is Aaron, this poor kid can't catch a fucking break. He hasn't lost enough people in his life... Maxfield had to make his roommate a vampire? It took me a minute to figure out why he would've called Caroline of all people for help, but then I remembered that when someone becomes a vampire he or she remembers all the past "compulsion" that's been done to him. So he probably figured out Caroline would understand. He tells her about how Maxfield expirimented on him and injected him with "soem weird blood" (Augustine blood). Maxfield is still alive (darn) but locked in the lab. Question: How is it that Jesse got from the lab to this dormroom? It is clearly daylight outside... and he doesn't have a daylight ring. And they don't even have Bonnie to make them a new one since she's not a witch anymore. Elena shows up with their stash of blood.
Jesse: Our stash? You're a vampire too?
Elena: You say it like it's a bad thing. First rule of being a vampire is realizing how awesome you are.

Um, it's kind of a bad thing, no? Caroline wants Jesse to use his blood to heal Aaron, so he can see that vampires can hurt and heal. 
Jesse: Holy crap that's insane.
Caroline: You wanna teach him about compulsion?

Aw, this is a cute little vampire training session!


But don't waste your time girls, people of color don't get to live that long on TVD.

The dorm party is hopping. No where else on earth could a dorm party fit this many guests.. they're just lucky they have the hugest dorm room ever. Damon is in the lab with Dr. Maxfield to question him and Caroline is sure he will kill him. (Also, it's weird that Elena and Caroline refer to Dr. Maxfield as "Wes". He's not your teacher/buddy like Alaric was... he's a college professor/sociopath who basically told you to leave campus. Why are you on a first name basis?)
Caroline: You realize that you're wrong, right?
Elena: Okay look I know that you're not crazy about Damon and I being together.   
Caroline: No no it's fine. I'm fine with you two being together as long as you can acknowledge the kind of person you are together with. 
What kind of person? The hot kind? The so utterly devoted to his girlfriend kind that he made a deal with not one, but two totally crazy people last episode just to get her BFF back from the dead. Yeah, man what a dick. (Yes, we know Damon was also a little bit of an evil vampire serial killer in the past, but eh, so was Stefan... and in Mystic Falls, really, who isn't?)

Damon wants answers from Maxfield and he's going to use a bunch of infectious diseases that the lab just happens to have lying around.
Damon: Not in the mood to talk? Fair enough. We're going to play a little game where I inject you with whatever the hell necrotizing fasciitis is...
Maxfield: It's a flesh-eating bacteria.
Damon: Gross. 
He injects him and asks him questions. If he answers correctly he will give him some vampire blood to heal him. If he doesn't... 
Damon: ...we're just gonna have to see how much flesh these little guys can eat.
Back at the Grille, Katherine drinks with Stefan who just wants to be left alone! Nadia shows up and looks pissed. Just last week Katherine said she never wanted to see her again and now she's called her for a favor. Stefan agrees to help Katherine and Nadia get Gregor out of Matt.
Stefan: Just out of morbid curiosity, which one of you is younger?
Both: I am.
Matt gives Katherine the knife that the Traveler left behind at his place. Nadia tells Gregor to "come forth".
Katherine: Hello Gregor. I'm Nadia's mother. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
Gregor-Matt: What do you want?
Katherine: Here's the thing. Nadia's my only child, so naturally I'm suspicious of anyone who wants to date her. Why don't you tell us the real reason that you're in Mystic Falls.
She shows him the knife and he admits that after Silas was dead he was meant to kill her (Katherine). It's what the Travelers want and he doesn't question their orders. He used Nadia to get to her.
Katherine: See why I don't want you dating my daughter? Because travelers are ruthless manipulative hypocrites. I know, because your grandfather was one.
She stabs Matt in the stomach. She says he will be fine, but  Gregor won't be. She expelled his spirit. (That's why he wanted the knife. It's the only thing that will truly kill a passenger.)

Back at the party, Bonnie has a chit chat with the old witch who died earlier. She says that the pain is gone now that she's on the other side. It looks like Bonnie regrets becoming the anchor... she feels all of the pain, but gets none of the relief. But then before she thinks about it too much Jeremy is there to remind her what's worth living for. Sex with a high school boy!

At the lab, Dr. Maxfield claims to Damon that he's working for the greater good. Damon says it sounds like Mengele-level crap he's spouting and injects him with rabies. Fun! He admits that he wanted to change Jesse into a "new" kind of vampire - one that isn't dangerous to people because they don't use humans as their food source.
Dr. Maxfield: Human blood will only satiate Jesse temporarily, until he gets a taste of what he really craves.


Jesse and Caroline dance at the party and kiss. He accidentally bites her lip, which bleeds a little. He immediately craves more so he says he has to leave and rushes out.


Aaron shows up at the party and he and Elena do jello shots. (Sidenote: Nina Dobrev does not know how to properly do a jello shot. Just sayin'.) He tells her that Dr. Maxfield is his legal guardian and they commiserate over all the dead people they know. Awesomely fun party talk. Aaron's parents were killed "by bears" on a camping trip. Sounds like a vampire death coverup story. Dr. Maxfield took him in and he's the closest thing to family that he has left. She calls Damon and makes him promise not to kill Dr. Maxfield because she can't let Aaron lose the only family he has left.  And is it just me or is Elena being a little too flirty with this guy for someone who has a boyfriend? Leading him on much...?

Back at the Grille, Stefan is having another PTSD flashback freakout. Katherine goes to check on him and he starts to choke her. She snaps him out of it by telling him to name the people he's killed, in order. Huh, okay. He releases her from the choke hold and says thank you. Then Nadia comes out and is upset that Gregor is dead. Katherine tells her that she deserves better and she tells her to drop dead. (Oh little does she know, she may be dead in a few months). Nadia's being a real bitch. Her boyfriend was sent to kill Katherine and used her to get to her... so Katherine killed him... Now she's mad at Katherine? Really? 

Back at the lab, Damon cuts his wrist to give some blood to Dr. Maxfield but just then Jesse storms in pissed off. It's bad enough he turned him into a monster but now he wants to feed on the girl he likes (Caroline). But then he sees Damon's blood and starts to crave it. Even though Damon is older and therefore should be stronger, something Dr. Maxfield has done to Jesse has made him strong enough to overpower Damon. He bites him in the neck adn starts to feed from him, viciously. Elena shows up and tries to get Jesse to stop. She can't, so she stakes him, just as Caroline runs in to see it happen. She begs him to stay with her but he dies in her arms. 
Elena: He was gonna kill Damon.
Caroline: But we promised that we would help him.
Damon:  She didn't have a choice. alright? Once he had the taste of vampire blood there's nothing stopping him. Ask Dr. Frankenstein.

He goes to deal with the doc, while Elena apologizes and Caroline shames her for saving her boyfriend's life (and protecting all of them from an insatiable vampire-killing vampire).
Caroline: The Elena I used to know would've given Jesse a chance. 
A chance to what? Kill Damon? Kill all of them? I know Caroline is upset right now, but she's been a huge bitch lately. She better stop messing with my Damon, the one redeeming part of this show that keeps me coming back each week. And really, if you want to be mad at anyone for Jesse's death, be mad at Dr. Maxfield. Or be mad at the writers who keep killing off every person of color on the show.

Back in Mystic Falls, Stefan finds a note from Katherine to Nadia. It is a suicide note. She has run from her enemies for 500 years and now a new enemy wants her dead... the Travelers. She can run from them, but there's one enemy she can't escape... time. She's at the top of some big clocktower (where the fuck is this and how the hell did she get up there?) She jumps, guess she took Nadia's "drop dead" too literally? Stefan catches her just in time.
Stefan: What are you doing?
Katherine: I told you, you either face your problems or you run. I chose option 3. 

She explains that the cure sped up the entire "mortifying process" and she's dying of old age, quickly. After being practicaly immortal for 500 years that's not something she can handle I guess.
Stefan: Hey, you're Katherine Pierce. Suck it up.
And now it's time for a little romantic grossness between Jeremy and Bonnie... until it's interrupted by a dead dude!
Bonnie: Oh my god. I think Jesse's dead.
Jeremy: What?
Jesse: I'm not ready. I don't want this.
He passes through Bonnie and she screams in pain. This is the first time Jeremy has seen that happen so he of course, freaks out. She explains that she is the anchor so every supernatural being that dies has to pass through her. And it happens often. He's mad that she didn't tell him. But she's just so happy to be back, touching him. 
Bonnie: We knew there'd be consequences. Just kiss me.
Jeremy: (Scoffs)
Bonnie: Kiss me. You... and me... this. This is worth it. Any consequence is worth this. 
It's sweet... but doesn't that put a lot of pressure on a new relationship? I came back from the dead and deal with pain every day for us! If they ever break up, then what? (Also, let's not forget that the reason they split up in the first place - back when they were both still alive - was because he still had some residual feelings for Anna and she was jealous. Now that they can both see dead people, wonder if there will be any Anna-related drama in the future. It'd be worth it for a guest appearance from Malese Jow.)

As they clean up the party, Caroline apologizes for being out of line... and then follows it up by being even more out of line. Elena says she wouldn't have killed him if she could've helped it. Elena knows he was also dangerous.
Caroline: I believe you want to celebrate the fact that we can go to school and function like regular freshman. I get that. I want that too. But Elena, when are you gonna figure out that the outside world is not nearly as dangerous as the person you're inviting to your own bedroom.
Elena: Wow. Why don't you tell me how you really feel?
Caroline: The day that I stop telling you is the day that we're no longer best friends and... I hope that day never comes.


Okay first of all, it's been Caroline all along who was the most psyched about functioning like regular freshmen. So much in fact, that her first words to Bonnie after she returned back from the dead was about how they had an extra bed in their dormroom. So hypocrite much? And how exactly is any of this Damon's fault? It was Caroline's boyfriend who was killing Elena's boyfriend... not the other way around. You want to blame someone, blame Maxfield. Damon helped bring Bonnie back from the dead! Isn't she at least a little grateful? Last season Caroline had a huge flirtation with Klaus (easily the worst vampire ever and such a bad dude that her boyfriend Tyler basically chose getting revenge on Klaus over dating her) and just last episode Caroline was palling around with Katherine! Now she's going to go all bitch-fest about Damon being a bad guy? Seriously? Either she's projecting some other shit onto Elena and Damon or the writers are trying desperately to set up some future scenario, but either way it feels really contrived and out of nowhere. 

(PS: Cute party dresses, but have you ever actually seen anyone dress like that to a dorm room party? I didn't go to fancy college I guess.)

Inside the lab, Damon is still with Dr. Maxfield. He's waiting to be able to compel all this away. He notices a bag of blood with the numbers 12144. Damon reveals that he was 21051.
Dr. Maxfield: You were an Augustine vampire?
Damon: Augustine, I haven't heard that name in decades.
He flashes back to memories in a hospital bed. He was also a vampire lab rat? He thought Augustine was shut down 60 years ago but he was wrong. He decides to kill Dr. Maxfield after all, but he hits a switch that releases atomized vervain and knocks Damon out.
Dr. Maxfield: I'm sure Augustine will be thrilled to have you back.
He wakes up behind bars somewhere and "D.S." is carved into the wall. Ugh. Unless Dr. Maxfield's work is going to create a few Damon doppelgangers, I'm not liking this turn of events.

Friday, November 15, 2013

The Vampire Diaries Recap: I've Got Doppelgangers Coming Out of My Ears

This extra doppelganger-filled episode of The Vampire Diaries opens up with Silas-Stefan sitting at a bus stop chit-chatting with a random couple about his love life.
Silas: The problem is when I was with Amara I was with another woman, so I kind of cheated on her. Which to be honest with you, it really wouldn't have been thta big of a deal except that it turned out the other woman was a raging lunatic so when she found out that I cheated on her, she freaked out, turned Amara into stone. Like, literally. Medusa-style.

He's bummed because he finally found Amara and then she stabbed him in the neck and drank his blood (aka the cure). He hops on a bus back to Mystic Falls. Back in Mystic Falls, Stefan is having "I Dream of Stefan" nightmares now that he can remember all the bad shit that happened to him. Elena made him coffee. (Why do vampires drink coffee? They're vampires.) She wants to start fresh, but he tells her that Tessa gave him back his memories and those memories suck. They catch him up on what he's missed the last day or so.
Elena: We have a situation.
Damon: ...of the doppelganger variety.
Stefan: Katherine?
Damon: Nope, not Katherine.

Amara (a.k.a. "Crazy Pants") is locked in their basement talking to herself. We are reminded that she's the anchor to the other side and now that she took the cure (and can now die) they have to keep her safe and alive until Silas gets back to Mystic Falls to do the spell that will bring Bonnie back.

Jeremy tells Bonnie he has three things to tell her. "This is not a goodbye" is the first thing. He knows that some how she will always be there. The second is "thank you" for giving up her life so that he could life. She doesn't want him to tell her the third thing yet. If he waits to tell her another time, then that means there will be another time.
Jeremy: I'm not sure it works like that.
Back at the college, Dr. Maxfield tells Katherine that she's healthy. Her hair is going gray, her teeth are falling out, but her bloodwork is clean. "Patient is irritible, not sure if this is a symptom or personality." (Personality!) The problem is that she's aging. The last time she was alive was 500 years ago or so and time is catching up with her. Life is running it's course, quicker than normal and she probably only has a few months left.

Silas finally checks in with Damon, who's pissed he's taking a bus becaues they're kind of in a rush over there. 
Damon: We need you back here to resurrect Bonnie before your nutter butter soul mate offs herself and destroys the other side.
Silas: Yeah I've been thinking about that. Amara needs to die.
Damon: Pardon me?
Silas: My poor Amara, all those years trapped in stone clearly left her unhinged. So look, if she doesn't want to spend another moment on this earth I'm more than happy to put her out of her misery and spend the rest of eternity in the afterlife with her. Listen, if you want to go ahead and kill her and save me the trouble, then please, by all means.
Damon: Not til you bring Bonnie back, remember? Promises made. Metaphorical hands shook.

Silas has decided that he won't help Damon bring Bonnie back after all. He scoffed at the idea of the doppelgangers being destined to be together so he doesn't want to help him save his relationship. He wants him to have to break his promise to Elena (to bring Bonnie back). Ugh, this whole love triangle thing is getting tired. Team Damon all the way. In fact, Damon needs a doppelganger!


Back on campus, Caroline is still trying to reach Jesse (good luck there) when Nadia shows up looking for Katherine. "Great, even Katherine's friends are bitches." Katherine lies and says Nadia is her stylist (ha) so Caroline will leave. Nadia says she's been avoiding her and is pissed.

Back at casa de Salvatore, Elena is telling Stefan that they need to protect Amara from Silas so he won't kill her. She won't give up on trying to get Bonnie back. Stefan tells her she puts her hope in the wrong places and wrong people (while giving Damon the stink eye, ouch). Stefan says Silas needs to die and he needs to be the one to kill him.

Bonnie and Jeremy visit Amara to bring her dinner and she recognizes Jeremy as the hunter that Silas killed. She wants to know how he came back. Then she guesses that it was Bonnie - she can see her!
Amara: Of course I can see you. I'm not blind, I have eyes. Or... are you dead? I get so mixed up, I can't tell the difference between the living or the dead.
Turns out she's the anchor to the other side so she can see everything on both sides and surprise! She and Bonnie can touch each other too. This gives them an idea. Amara exists in both places at once, so why can't Bonnie? 
Damon: So she's not "crazy crazy" she's just talking to dead supernatural beings roaming around in our basement.
Jeremy tells Elena and Damon that they should just make Bonnie become the anchor. Amara can die, Bonnie can "live" kinda. They decide to ask Tessa to help them with the spell because no one wants Amara and Silas separated more than her. Damon explains the situation to Tessa...
Damon: Silas is literally on his way to kill her. He's completely obsessed with destroying the other side so he and Amara can live happily ever in the great beyond.

He wants to make a deal, make Bonnie the anchor instead of Amara and they both get what they want. She agrees to the anchor swap. 
Tessa: I'd be making a ghost a human toll booth between our side and the other side, giving her the power to interact with our physical world and the supernatural purgatory. 
But she needs a massive amount of power to do a huge spell like that. Doppelgangers!
Damon: You want doppelganger blood? I got doppelgangers coming out of my blood. How many do you want?
Seriously, there should've been a drinking game tied to this episode. Drink every time someone says "doppelganger!"

Back at home, Elena tells Stefan that revenge isn't worth it. He admits that while he was drowning and dying over and over again in the safe in the quarry, certain memories gave him hope... but eventually the pain made those go away too. Every time he closes his eyes he can see Silas stabbing him and feel himself drowining again. He needs to make it stop or he's going to lose his humanity.

Back on campus, Nadia is upset that Katherine has been avoiding her. 
Nadia: We had a moment, you and I. There was a bond, I felt it. And then, nothing. You abandoned me all over again.
Caroline interrupts the "weirdest lunch ever" to take Katherine back to casa de Salvatore because they need her doppelganger blood.
Tessa: So you live in this giant mansion with 2 doppelgangers who are destined to end up together. I swear there's a sitcom in there somewhere. So where's the ancient boyfriend stealing bitch?
(Can you imagine The Vampire Diaries as a Three's Company style sitcom? I would totally watch that show.)

Tessa goes to talk trash to Amara. She's still holding a grudge after all this time. 
Tessa: Well if it isn't the face that launched a 1,000 doppelgangers. 
Amara begs her to kill her. She tells her that she will, once she makes someone else the anchor. Amara will die and Silas will be trapped on the other side and they will spend eternity apart.
Tessa: That is gonna be kinda fantastic for me. Selfishly speaking.
Then Katherine finally arrives, three doppelgangers for the price of one!
Katherine: The cute one's here!
Tessa: Let me guess, you must be... who now?
Katherine wants Tessa to fix her aging-faster-than-normal problem. Tessa agrees to find a way to stop her from dying after the ritual is over.
Tessa: Now where's Tweedledee and Tweedledum? 

Tessa begins the ritual. The interaction between Katherine, Amara and Elena is both bizarre and hilarious. Props to Nina Dobrev for portraying three separate personalities so clearly. She should really be getting paid extra for this. Tessa does the ritual, but in the middle she is interrupted by some magical happenings (it's Silas) and the room goes dark.
Damon: The electricity is out in the whole house. What happened?
Elena: Silas is here.
Damon: Well Silas owes me a fuse box. Hang on, I only count 2 doppelgangers. Where's crazy pants?
Elena: And where's the other crazy?
Both Tessa and Amara are missing... but they're not together. Tessa has gone to confront Silas. Amara is missing and both Tessa and Silas are pissed.
Silas: You spent 2,000 years waiting for me to die just so you could be with me. And all along the universe knew I belonged with someone else. Doesn't that make your whole existence, I don't know, a total waste?
Tessa: I loved you.
Silas:Yeah? Well get in line.
Just then Stefan calls Silas. He has Amara. Stefan knows that Silas doesn't want to save Amara's life, so he threatens to take her away and keep her alive if he doesn't meet with him.

Elsewhere, Katherine's hand won't stop bleeding so Caroline offers her blood so she can heal. She gags on it.
Katherine: Just another tragic side effect from taking that cure. Apparently the universe just doesn't want me to heal from vampire blood. Stupid universe.
The universe is being kind of a dick this whole episode. 

Elena finds Tess half dead, where Silas has left her after stabbing her. Elena forces her up, because she's not done yet. She has to bring Bonnie back (as the anchor).
Tessa: Can't a witch rest in peace?

Silas finds Amara in the woods, but Stefan isn't there. (Or is he?)
Amara: I loved you. I still do. But I can't live any longer. Please understand.
Silas: I understand. I love you. 
He tries to kill her, but he just can't do it. Awww. Before he can finish the job, Stefan grabs him. It's a doppelganger off! vampire vs. witch!
Silas: What's it like to die? I've never done it. You must've done it what, 1,000 times over the summer. I spent 2,000 years alone in a tomb. You were locked up for what, 3 months?
Stefan stabs Silas and he finally dies. After his death Amara calls out in pain, clutching her stomach. Then she takes the knife from his chest "our journey starts now" and stabs herself, just as Damon arrives. (Elena had sent him to find Stefan while Tessa finished the spell because she was worried about him, as always.) He tries to give Amara vampire blood but she gags on it. He's trying to save her life long enough for Tessa to finish the spell. His desperation to keep her alive shows on his face.
Amara: I've been in hell for 2,000 years!
Damon: What's another 5 minutes?
Bonnie appears to Jeremy to say goodbye. She can feel that Amara is dying and the other side is slipping away. She asks Jeremy to tell her the third thing. It is "I love you." He says he's not ready to let her go and reaches to touch her  face... and can actually do it. He can fell her. It worked! Elena and Caroline can see Bonnie too. She is the new anchor.
Caroline: Oh my God! And we can be roommates cause we have an extra bed and we can clear out half the closet!
Katherine reminds Tessa that she has to save her life now. 
Tessa: You want me to stop the aging? Find a drugstore cream.
She refuses to do it. Altering someone's life span is what started this whole mess in the first place. She's learned her lesson and won't do it again. Amara is gone and Silas is waiting for her on the other side. Then Katherine notices the blood on the floor. She's dying.
Tessa: True love prevails. Universe be damned.
Tessa dies. Then she appears to Bonnie and gives her this one last dying message... the supernatural fine print to being the anchor.
Tessa: I'm dead, as I pass through you, you'll feel my death. You'll feel every death. Every supernatural being that passes over to the other side will pass through you. Sorry. That's gonna hurt like a bitch.
And it does. No wonder Amara was so crazy.

Elena wants to know that Stefan killing Silas worked and that he's okay now. While he was suffering, dying over and over again in the quarry, she was happy. She was in love and having the summer of her dreams, while he was in pain. So she needs to know that this worked and will take away all of his suffering now.
Stefan: I wanted it to be you. When that safe finally opened and somebody found me. I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be both of you.
Later on, Katherine goes back to the dorms to get her stuff (now that Bonnie's back she has to move out).
Caroline: Thank you, for what you did today.
Katherine. Enough. I killed you once. We still hate each other, okay?
Caroline: Yes you did. And yes we do.
Katherine: Where the hell is my bag?
Nadia has it, already packed. She is going back to Prague and wants Katherine to come with her. They can go to Bulgaria and start over together. Katherine says she doesn't want to do any mother-daughter bonding with her.
Katherine: I don't want to know you. I'm doing you a favor Nadia, okay? I can't be there for you, so take a good look because you are never going to see me again.
Is this Katherine's last act of "motherly' love? To spare her daughter watching her die? Or is she just a cold-hearted bitch after all? And wait... Nadia is going back to Prague? What about her Traveler buddy who is sharing space in Matt Donovan's brain? Is she just going to leave him/them behind?

Back in the woods Stefan buries Silas. He keeps having flashbacks of drowining in the quarry again and again. Guess killing Silas ddn't work. "No. it's over. It's supposed to be over." Unfortunately it's not over, but the episode is....

Friday, November 8, 2013

The Vampire Diaries Recap: Nina Dobrev is the hardest working woman on the CW

So Katherine is still alive! She survived Silas draining her of her blood (so he could get 'the cure'). But there was one catch... she's got a funky grey streak in her hair. Of course, this is probably a sign of something much bigger... is Katherine aging rapidly

At Casa de Salvatore, Elena and Damon are snuggling by the fire.
Elena: This is nice.
Damon: It is nice.
Elena: Quiet. Still. Peaceful. I like our life when it's lke this.
Damon: But it is our life. Which probably means that something's gonna walk through that door and shatter it...

He counts down from 10 and Silas-Stefan walks in teh door! Surprise! He's happy that he's not cursed anymore and finally gets to die (and reunite with his one true love, Amara, after 2,000 years). Elena is psyched too because they are going to try to bring Bonnie back.


Damon: There are promises that she's expecting you to keep. 
Silas: Oh you don't think that I keep my promises?
Elena:You said that now that you're a witch again you would bring Bonnie back from the other side.
Silas: I did. And I can.
Elena: And you promised Damon that you would do that if he helped you. But you're kind of evil. No offense.
Silas: None taken.
Elena: I'm trying to figure out how I can trust that one of your last acts will be to bring my best friend back.
Silas: Do you want me to pinky swear?
(Really, that whole conversation happened as exposition for the viewers, in case we forgot why Silas and Damon were working together.) Silas just wants to destroy the other side, so he doesn't get stuck in purgatory when he dies. He can bring Bonnie back before that... he just needs to find the anchor first. If he destroys the anchor he can break the spell. It's in New Jersey ("The supernatural otherworld is bound by an object in Snookie's backyard?")
Jeremy: We're just supposed to believe that he's gonna bring Bonnie back to life out of the goodness of his heart.

Silas: Well I hope not I am kind of a monster.


Back at Tessa's place (I still want to call her Qetsiyah) Stefan awakens confused. "Is that the amneisa or the tequila?" Both. Tessa tells him that last night they bonded and she knows that Silas took the cure, so he's mortal (well, a witch) and now can kill him. Tessa tells Stefan about the Travelers - they do not want Silas to destroy the other side and be at peace with "that slut Amara that he calls his one true love." They have had the anchor for 2,000 years and constantly move it so they won't let Silas get near it (at least not before Tessa kills him) and even if they fail, he won't be able to destroy it.

Silas, Damon and Jeremy are going on a "No Girls Allowed" road trip to find the anchor.
Silas: She's a freaky carbon copy of my one true love Amara. You can understand why I don't wanna stare at her imposter face all day.
Damon: That makes no sense.
Silas: It would make complete sense if you were ever in love with anybody who looked exactly like her.

Ha! Speaking of look-a-likes... I'm going to go off on a tangent for a moment here, my apologies. I'm still stuck on this whole doppelganger bullshit because they completed changed the doppelganger mythology from earlier seasons.

Originally we knew that Elena looked just like Katherine because she was her descendent and a "Petrova doppelganger". Katherine (Katerina Petrova) was originally a doppelganger herself - of a woman named Tatia Petrova that Original brothers Klaus and Elijah both fell in love with. She was described as the Original Petrova and her blood was used both to create the spell that made them vampires in the first place and to seal the Hybrid Curse. Did Esther (the Original witch) know that she was a doppelganger when she cast the spell or that the blood of her future-doppelgangers would break the spell?

Now that Tessa told us that the doppelgangers of Silas and Amara were destined to fall in love with each other again and again, it opens up a whole bunch of other questions. If there's a new Petrova doppelganger born every 500 years (Tatia in the 10th century, Katherine in the 15th, Elena in the 20th) where was the Silas-doppelganger during Tatia's time, when Klaus and Elijah were fighting over her? And why wasn't there a Silas-doppelganger born around the time that Elena was? If we're going to follow the real logic, Stefan should be destined to fall in love with Katherine, not Elena, and there should be some other lookalike out there for Elena.

But wait... Stefan was born in the 19th century, which doesn't match the 500 years thing at all. How could the doppelgangers of Silas and Amara be destined to be together if they're not even born in the same century? He was born 400 years too late to have been destined to fall in love with Katherine and at least 100 years too early to have been destined to fall in love with Elena. It makes no sense! I can suspend my disbelief that there are vampires and werewolves and witches and doppelgangers and Immortals etc... but I'm sorry, the writers lost me on this one. It just feels like a way to justify Elena eventually breaking Damon's heart to be Stefan again (it's her fate) even though the fans will fucking FLIP OUT because we all love Ian Sommerhalder.



Anyway, back to the All Boys Roadtrip. Silas shoots Elena in the leg with a crossbow so she won't be able to go with them (dick move) and then they go to find the anchor before sundown. That's because he put a spell on Tessa's cabin - she's stuck there until sundown (and so is Stefan!) "You don't scheme as long as I have without considering every possiblity." Except she didn't consider the possibility that Silas might use the spell that she taught him to keep her trapped in the cabin all day while he goes looking for the anchor.

Back at college, Caroline finds Katherine in her dorm room (she died her grey streak) and mistakes her for Elena at first. She just needs a plae to crash because Damon kicked her out, Stefan doesn't remember her and she has no money. Caroline is packing to move out because Dr. Maxfield told her and Elena to scram, but Katherine shames her for giving up. ("very un-Caroline of you"). In exchange for a place to stay (and Elena's meal card) Katherine will help her deal with Dr. Maxfield.

"You're scared of a teacher? Oh  honey you really need to take a crash course on Villain 101. Luckily for you, I have an honorary doctorate. What do you say, roomie?"

Elena calls Stefan's phone and Tessa answers. Elena is not happy and calls Damon about it. Damon has to admit that he had to break Stefan's neck a couple times to help Silas. She's pissed.

And now a joke from Silas:
Knock Knock!
Who's there
The Mayor
The Mayor Who?
No one! That's the joke.
No one's there because I killed the mayor.


Elena goes to Tessa's cabin. Stefan tells her she shouldn't have come inside. She apologizes for Damon (etc) but then, of course, she can't leave. Oops. Meanwhile, Damon and Silas-Stefan discuss the "doppelganger prophecy crap".
Silas: Do you not notice the universe trying to mirror my love for Amara by bringing our doppelgangers together?
Damon: You do realize that by destroying the other side that you are personally moving heaven and earth to be together. Thats not fate you idiot. That"s you being a crazy person.

They get to the warehouse and there are numerous crates but Silas doesn't know what the anchor is. He only knows that it's in this warehouse. "It's binds a spell to a supernatural hell dimension. It's not gonna look like a freakin' IKEA sink." They start searching.

Back on campus, Dr. Maxfield is at his lab studying cell samples from poor Jesse. Katheine and Caroline sneak up on him and knock him out. Katherine and Caroline are going to drain Dr. Maxfield's vervain-soaked blood so they can compel him to forget that she and Elena are vampires. Katherine puts a scalpel to his neck and asks who else knows about them. The "society" is meeting at the Whitmore house to find potential candidates. They were going invite Elena, but they started to suspect that she was a vampire. "So all I have to do is convince them that Elena Gilbert isn't a vampire? Done." Lucky for them, Katherine isn't a vampire.



Bonnie's ghost comes to visit Jeremy and lets him know that she's not getting her hopes up about coming back from the dead. He tells her she has to believe that it will work, for him. "Jer, just so we're clear. I would die 100 times over just to have you standing here alive, in front of me." Silas tells Damon that the reason Travelers hate him is because he created the Immortality spell. They know the anchor is the only thing standing between him and his soulmate. "Every love story needs that one thing that just keeps getting in the way. Kinda like you Damon."

Tessa calls Damon from Stefan's phone and tells him to kill Silas for her. "Gladly, but he's such a control freak that he wants to off himself, himself." She wants him dead before he finds the anchor and breaks the spell. He lets her know that she lured Elena there using "the oldest trick in the book - jealousy" of Stefan. She says he has til sundown to kill Silas or she will kill Elena. Now Damon has a tough decision: Double-cross Silas, thereby losing the chance to bring Bonnie back from the dead or keep his deal with Silas (hoping that he'll uphold his end of hte bargain and bring back Bonnie) but risk that Tessa will kill Elena.Of course, he chooses Option A.

Jeremy: You promised Elena that she would see Bonnie again.
Damon: You don't think I'm aware of that? But if Tessa kills Elena guess whose not gonna make it to Bonnie's welcome home party. Plan's off Jeremy. Bonnie's not coming back.

Can Jeremy really put the life of his ex-girlfriend over the life of his sister? No, he can't. Bonnie tells him "Is there a part of you that thinks for one minute I'd let one of my friends die just so I could come back to life?" She says maybe she's just supposed to accept it, so he should go help Damon kill Silas.

Katherine shows up at Whitmore House posing as Elena. She walks in, uninvited (proving herself not to be a vampire) and proceeds to stuff her face full of food. She runs into Aaron who recognizes her as Elena. She asks him if he's part of "the secret society" but he has no idea what she's talking about. Then she coughs and a tooth falls out. There's the rest of that cure-no-cure consequence. Is Katherine dying?

Tessa explains to Elena that it's because of Bonnie that she was able to come back from the dead. Elena explains that Silas was going to bring her back to life after he got the anchor. Now she's afraid that Damon - "who has never put anyone's life before mine, including his own" - is going to kill Silas before he could do that. Stefan is being all gross and flirty with Tessa and Elena does not like it.

Back at the warehouse, Damon finds Travelers. They start chanting and Damon starts to burn in the sunlight that shines through the window. He steps back into the shadows. "Why do you witches always go for the daylight ring? I was about to do your little Euro-trip a favor. I wanna kill Silas too." They don't want him dead yet. Well that doesn't work for Damon, so he kills them both.

Caroline compells Dr. Maxfield to answer her questions and learns that the secret society is called Augustine. Most recruits are legacies but some - like him - are chosen for their extraordinary talents (e.g., being brillant). He covered up their roommate Megan's death because she was killed by the Augustine vampire. (They have their own vampire?) But then there's a knock on the door and it's the woman from the party that met Katherine-Elena. Caroline quickly compells him to believe that she and Elena aren't vampires and he's light-headed from giving blood this weekend. The woman tells him Elena is "clearly not a vampire. What made you so convinced she was?" He has no idea.

Back at the cabin Stefan cooks for Tessa while Elena looks on, moping. "Okay, I get it. You hate me."
She tells Stefan that even though he has no memories, she does and this person (Tessa) is not the type of person he would like. Tessa goes to call Damon and Stefan whispers to Elena "I got this. I know you think that I hate you but I don't. I won't let her hurt you, I promise." Damon wants to know why Travelers would stop him from killing Silas. She says they probably want his blood (he drank the cure from Katherine so now his blood is the cure). They aren't fans of immortality. She had to bind the other side to something that would last forever, and Silas couldn't destroy.... "Something a little closer to his heart, 2,000 years old, Immortal, indestructible". Just as the sun is setting, Stefan stabs Tessa nd rushes out with Elena... just as we all realize that Amara is the anchor. She never killed her. She made her Immortal! She is frozen like stone (having been locked away 2,000 years).

Silas drags one of the dead travelers over to Amara and cuts his arm so she can drink his blood and come back to life. The stone starts to crack and she turns back to flesh. Silas helps Amara out of the warehouse. She can't believe it's possible that he's there after all this time. He says he thought she was dead. (I wonder if Nina Dobrev gets paid triple for playing three roles in one episode.)
Amara: She couldn't kill me, she said there was only one cure. She wanted it for you.
Silas: I took it. I'm sorry. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be at peace with you.
Amara: The cure runs in your veins?
Silas: I was ready to die for you.
(She grabs a shard of glass.)
Amara: I love you Silas, I'm so sorry, but I have to be cured.
(She starts to drink his blood.)
Amara: I can't live another day.

Back at the lab, Dr. Maxfield is confused. Katherine walks in and returns Maxfield's recorder she had stolen. She says she listened to it and found most of it boring except for the part about his subject's blood being abnormal. That part she found mildly interesting.


Dr. Maxfield: I think you should go
Katherine: And do what? Sprinkle all of your dirty little secrets across campus? Like Augustine and all the vampire experiments that you've been doing? C'mon Dr. Wes, aren't you supposed to be some sort of genius? I'm sure we can come up with some creative solution for our little predicament.
Dr. Maxfield: I have to say, if I wasn't such a genius I might actually think you were blackmailing me Elena.
Katherine: Actually my name's Katherine. Elena is my doppelganger and while I let you chew on that, I'll admit there is something that I can't solve on my own.
 She shows him the tooth. She wants his help. She thinks she's dying and she wants him to save her life.


Back at the warehouse, Amara is acting crazy. She's talking to herself. "Stop talking. It's not up to you. Leave me alone!" Damon finds her...
Amara: Are you real?
Damon: Are you?

Back at Casa de Salvatore, Elena thanks Stefan for saving her life and thanks him for still being him (even without his memories).  
Damon: Stefan Salvatore sleeps in his own bed tonight. Does that mean he stopped hating us or did the power of the doppelganger universe push him into the car with you?
Elena: Well, he saved my life so I'll take that as not-hate.
Damon: Victory on a day otherwise marred by failure.

Bonnie tells Jeremy to tell Elena that "it's for the best". He disagrees. Elena says they will keep trying. They've dealt with worse. They do have some problems right now though... Silas is missing and Amara has been cured (which means now she is easy to kill).
Damon: So the fate of the other side where Bonnie currently resides rests on a living, breathing human being that we now need to protect.
Elena: We need to protect?
(He brings her to the car and opens up the trunk of his car to reveal Amara tied up.)
Damon: Elena, meet Crazypants. Crazypants, meet Elena. 
Stefan gets to his bedroom and finds Tessa sitting there. He tells her, "You're hurt. I can heal you." She says no. She wants this wound because it's a reminder of what he really is. "Memories are important. I made a mistake when I found you. I eased your pain. You used to have a lot of pain, remember?" She uses her witchy powers to return Stefan's memories - he killed his own father, he forced his brother to become a vampire, he hated himself for a century but then he found Elena (who he then lost). He also felt real physical pain while he was trapped in the safe in the quarry, torturous drowning over and over again.

All these painful memories sweep back to him at once...

"The only thing keeping you sane was the hope that one of the two people you loved would come resue you. But they didnt. I did. Always remember that."

Friday, November 1, 2013

The Vampire Diaries: Halloween Edition

I'm still working on a candy hangover... so I will apologize in advance if this recap is a little nonsensical. (Not that The Vampire Diaries ever actually makes sense.)

The episode opens up with Jesse waking up in Dr. Maxfield's lab, strapped to an exam table, having been turned into a vampire. Maxfield is doing tests on him and he's hungry. "After his initial transition, Subject 62547 has undergone three days without feeding. Subject is weak but lucid." Maxfield is a dick. It looks like he turned Jesse into a vampire with the sole purpose of studying him, which is kinda fucked considering that they were almost friends (he was his T.A.). He says he seems to be a "perfect candidate". Candidate for what? I almost don't want to know.

Elena is back to writing in her vampire diary. Since Stefan burned his last week, someone  needs to keep the title going. She's back at school, trying to move on after Bonnie's death, like Bonnie wanted. Caroline is back with Tyler and Elena is still seeking answers to why Dr. Maxfield covered up the death-by-vampire of her former roommate Megan. Bonnie is ghost eavesdropping on her, because that's what Bonnie does, follow around Elena... even after death.

Damon comes to visit Elena at school but she is distant and weird. He thinks she's been avoiding him and it looks like she has been... but she did invite him to a costume ball at school. I'm sure Damon is psyched about that.



Caroline has signed Tyler up to be a sociology major (he doesn't even get a say in this?) and she got him a single dorm room. He does not want to talk about it She calls him a "hybrid-size jerk" for never calling her back but says he can make it up to her by going to the costume ball with her. He does not seem interested. Something tells me this little happy reunion will be short-lived.

Elena sees a guy looking all sad in front of Megan's memorial photo and introduces herself, saying she was her roommate. He knew Megan growing up and he doesn't believe that it was a suicide (which we all know it wasn't) but he doesn't want to talk to Elena and won't tell her his name.

Stefan-Silas calls Nadia and tells her that he wants Katherine Pierce. She says he knows that and that's why he took her away from her. He can have her when she's done. "Why don't you mind-control a whole town of people and find out where I'm holding her. Oh right, you can't." His brain is still on the fritz due to an "ex-fiance stalker-witch who can't seem to take a hint." Nadia tells Katherine that Silas will need every last sip of blood in her body in order to get the cure, so it will kill her.

Damon tells Jeremy that he has a good idea to get Bonnie back, but they shouldn't tell Elena about it until it works. Because Bonnie died by bringing Jeremy back to life (natural balance of things) he thinks that Silas dying would be a "huge waste of a perfectly good death" if they didn't use that to bring back Bonnie. Since Silas wants to die anyway (he wants to be able to "rest in peace" with his love Amara).
Damon: To die, he has to be mortal. If he's mortal he's a witch. If he dies as a witch then he's stuck on the other side forever.
Jeremy: He already tried to bring down the veil and he failed.
Bonnie: Maybe he has a plan B. Maybe he wants to do more than drop the veil and let all the ghosts out.
[pause]
Damon: She knows I can't hear her, right?

Qetsiyah's spell was bound to a mystical anchor and she's probably protecting it, so if they can find it and destroy it, Silas can die... but before he dies, he can do a spell that will swap his life for Bonnie's.
Bonnie: It's possible, but this is the same Silas who murdered my father. He's ruthless. And whatever spell he could do, there'll be some consequences, there always is, so no, my answer's definitely not.
Damon: What'd she say? Tell me!
Jeremy: She's in!

Damon goes to Silas with the idea and Silas says he has one thing he wants: He wants Damon to kill Stefan. Dun dun dun...

Nadia tells Katherine that she's been tracking her for 500 years, so she has some questions. She wants to know if she really did sell out her friends during the Mystic Falls vampire round-up of 1864. "I was running from Klaus. I needed to jet solo. I threw a couple of vampire names on a hit list. Sue me! I also impersonated a teenager to get my ex-boyfriends to make out with me, staged a fake fight to trigger my lover's werewolf curse. Ohhh and I chopped off this douchey guy's fingers with a butcher knife once, that was cool."
Nadia: What about ripping a mother away from her daughter? Having her killed for your own benefit?

Nadia says she had herself turned into a vampire so she could even the playing ground and hunt Katherine for however long it took. She did it because Katherine killed her mother in Paris 1645. Katherine stakes Nadia and runs out.

Meanwhile back in Mystic Falls Bonnie is pissed at Jeremy because magic always has a price. He tells her "What is worse than this? Seeing you and hearing you and not being able to feel you. This isn't enough anymore." So he wants her to let Damon try to bring her back.


Caroline and Tyler arrive at the ball as Bonnie and Clyde. Everyone is supposed to dress as a historical figure, so Stefan is "James Dean" and Elena and Damon are dressed as Lady Anne Boleyn and King Henry VIII. (Caroline picked out the costumes, can you tell?)

Elena feels guilty about Bonnie's death - that she never even knew about - and won't let Megan's death fall through the cracks too. She sees Megan's friend at the party so goes over to him and asks again for his name, he still doesn't want to tell her. She compels him to find out if he killed Megan. 
Friend: Of course not.
Elena: Then why are you acting so shady?
Friend: Because everyone around me dies. It's like a curse. My friends, my family, one by one I've lost every single person in my life. So if you had any idea what survivor's guilt felt like you'd leave me alone.
Elena: Forget about my questions.
Friend: It's uh... Aaron. My name. See ya around, maybe.
If there's one thing Elena does know about, it's survivor's guilt.

Qetsiyah arrives at the party dressed as Cleopatra and goes over to Stefan at the bar.
Qetsiyah: Where I come from, open bar meant ceramic jugs of Phoenician wine.
Stefan: Okaaay.
Qetsiyah: You have no idea who I am , do you?
Stefan: No offense, but I actually have no idea who a lot of people are.
Qetsiyah: Tessa. formerly known as Qetsiyah.
Stefan: The girl who wiped my memories
Qetsiyah: Nothing personal, a little ex-boyfriend drama. Let me make it up to you, buy you an I'm sorry drink.

Damon: More like an I'm sorry keg. Pardon us...
Stefan: You, my brother, make a terrible wingman.
Damon: Trust me the last guy who hit on her is still paying for it.

He takes Stefan away to an empty room. Silas-Stefan arrives ("hello me") and Damon snaps Stefan's neck in front of him. Silas-Stefan puts on Damon's costume "Do you want to explain to me why I just killed my brother?" By killing Stefan, he severed the link between him and Silas that Qetsiyah created, which brought back his mind-control powers.
"Of all the men here, Tessa went straight for Stefan. This face won her heart before. See a woman never forgets her first love, no matter how badly it ended."

He goes back to Tessa, so he can read her mind and find out where the anchor is hidden. Silas cozies up to Tessa, breaks down her defenses, and then reveals his true identity. He uses his mind control powers to ask where the anchor to the other side is. She doesn't know either! She created it but the Travelers took it and hid it and they move it constantly. She's at the dance because she's looking for her pendant which will enhancer her powers so she can do a locator spell and find it.  He tells her to forget what they spoke about and find the pendant. Then Silas starts getting a headache, as Stefan starts to come to again. Damon snaps his neck again and Silas is back. Damon texts him "Hurry up."

Meanwhile Nadia is still trying to remove that stake from her heart. "Having trouble getting that out? I grazed your heart on purpose." She still wants Nadia alive because she wants to know why she made up that fake story about her mom... it was a test and Katherine failed. Nadia just wanted to get under her skin. She didn't kill her mother in Paris, but she did kill her mother... in a little cottage in England, on April 6, 1492 after she'd been exiled by her family 2 years earlier. 
Nadia: You stuck her head in a noose and pushed her off a chair and snapped her neck.
Katherine: Who are you?
Nadia: My name is Nadia Petrova.

She is Katherine's daughter!

Back at the ball, Elena dances with Dr. Maxfield. He is so damn creepy. He's dressed as Dr. Jekyll (so appropriate!) 
Elena: Where's Mr. Hyde?
Dr. Maxfield: I don't know, I'm not responsible for my darker half.

She asks him why he lied on the death certificate. "I didn't want to lie. I couldn't exactly tell her parents a mountain lion attacked her at a frat party. I'd be fired." His theory is that a vampire hunted her down, ripped her throat out and threw her off that roof. She wants to know what he knows about vampire? 
Dr. Maxfield: It doesn't matter what I know Elena, because we're never gonna see each other again. Because there are people at this school watching you and your friends and asking questions you don't want them to ask. so pack your things, drop out and move back to Mystic Falls.

Tyler tells Caroline "I can't do the college thing right now." She knows she's been pushing too hard, but she's happy that he's back and they're together. He tells her the reason they're together is because Klaus granted them permission to be together and he can't live like that. "He killed my mom and got away with it. I can't just start caring about sociology and frat parties." He won't give it a chance. He came back to say goodbye so he can go after Klaus and destroy his life like he destroyed his. 
Caroline: "For someone who hates Klaus, you certainly sound a lot like him." 
Maybe Tyler will show up on the Originals next week!

Tessa/Qetsiyah finds her pendant and starts to chant to find the anchor. Stefan-Silas comes in and tries to read her mind,but just then Stefan must be coming back to life because he can't. Stefan looks like he's still out, but before Damon can snap his neck again he jumps up and snaps Damon's neck instead "how's it feel brother?"

Qetsiyah goes to Stefan to see if he's okay. Real Stefan appears and says "that's Silas." He punches him and takes his daylight ring back. "He's working with my brother and everything he said to you is a lie."
Qetsiyah: You know where the anchor is. Too bad you won't be around to find it. (She starts to chant a spell.)
Silas:  You can't kill me.
Qetsiyah: I don't have to kill you yet.
Silas: You love me, you know you love me.
Qetsiyah: I did love you. You broke my heart and now I'm gonna break yours.... Or at least stop it from working. 
She shoves her hand into his chest, Once Upon a Style time and says she will stop his heart from beating so his blood can't flow and his veins dry up and he rots from the inside out. Yikes. Damon and Elena find "dead" Stefan-Silas and bring him back to casa de Salvatore.

Back at party-central, Dr. Maxfield stops Aaron and makes him give up his car keys because he can smell alcohol on his breath. Turns out he is Aaron's legal guardian and manager of his trust fund! (Maybe that "curse" where everyone he knows dies, is Maxfield's fault.) He tells him to stay away from Elena Gilbert.


Nadia (sans-stake) and Katherine are talking in the hotel room. Nadia says she was a fool not to run. Katherine says that Silas doesn't need her until he figures out how to destroy the other side. If he cures himself before then, he dies as a witch and is stuck in supernatural purgatory. She tells Nadia that she went back to Bulgaria in 1498 to look for her, searched every village and every cottage, but couldn't find her. Nadia is surprised that she went back for her. Katherine tells her "it's nice to meet you."


Caroline goes to say goodbye to Tyler. "I've decided that I'm not going to have this conversation again. I can't just sit here while I'm waiting for you to come back." She asks him to stay and just love her more than she hates him. He says he's sorry, but he can't do that. She's pissed and tells him if he leaves, they are done. No more chances. He's crying, but he still leaves.

Elena explains to Damon the sitch with Dr. Maxfield and realizes that solving Megan's death won't bring back Bonnie. If she wants to bring Bonnie back they need to cure Silas. Katherine arrives at casa de Salvatore, upon Damon's request and sees dead Silas Stefan. Then she realizes why she's really there. "He needs all of my blood Damon! It'll kill me! I don't want to die, please!" He bites her neck, forces her neck onto Silas and says goodbye to her. As Silas continues to feed, he comes back to life slightly and Katherine falls to the ground.

There's a faint heartbeat... "Do you hear that?"  Katherine awakes and asks "Am I in hell?"

Close enough...