Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Mystery Drives Us To Drink

Jezebel and Adam watch Monday Night Football and The Pick Up Artist while drinking.   Do not try this at home.

Wow, that blonde guy really has the Dawson's Creek look down.

Oh yes. And now he's doing a Dylan McKay brooding look.

Did Mystery actually just say 'this medallion symbolizes joy'?
I believe he did.  Every week is a different color and means something different.
So that's not a P for Player on this week's medallion?

No, I think it's supposed to be some kind of rune symbol.

Was Mystery seriously just saying something about these guys' lives being forever changed? This is way too dramatic.

Well, this is serious to him. He used to be a dork until he got involved with the "seduction community" and helped to create all of these terms and methods and stuff. He may still be a dork underneath, but he feels like he's created a new way of life for himself and other dorks out there.
Oh, he's definitely still a dork, especially with all the terms and methods. And is this life really better for the guys? They're on a reality show trying to hook up with strippers.

Just like Bret Michaels.

Exactly! Wait, what? No.

Seriously, I see what you mean. But isn't trying to hook up with strippers better than sitting in your parents' basement playing World of Warcraft for the rest of your life?

Well, trying to hook up with strippers for the rest of your life would be pretty pathetic too.

Just like Scott Baio.

You watch way too much Celebreality.

I know. I'm just about ready for rehab. And you're right about the stripper thing. But if these crazy challenges give the guys more confidence in their everyday lives, it can only help them, right?

Not if they keep trying to dress like Mystery.

Believe me, I'm definitely not going to defend any of the fashion choices on this show.  But I still think you're wrong about Joe D. going for a rich guy look.  He looks like a guido.

Yes, he totally was.  It's certainly not a guido.  He’s not even close to Italian, and he looks too interested in what they’re saying.  That’s it,  I can’t even believe I’m watching this with you.  I’m going back to Monday Night Football.

Oh yeah, aren’t the Eagles playing the Redskins tonight?  The team with the craziest fans and the team with the most PC name.

I prefer having the crazy fans.  And lay off Philly, they’re having a tough night.

Okay, you've suffered enough.  You know, the Yankees have a real Native American player.

The Yankees just have everything, don't they? 

Listen, the Giants and Jets are both 0-2, the Mets are falling apart, and the Knicks not only suck but are also in court being sued for discrimination, which leads to me having to hear stories about Stephon Marbury banging one of the Knicks City Dancers or an intern or someone on the team bus. The Yankees are all I have, okay?

What's the discrimination suit for?  The girl he was with wasn't Native American?   Equal opportunity and all that.
Funny.  She's not actually the one suing, although I think every woman that has come into contact with Stephon Marbury is probably entitled to some sort of compensation.

Okay, okay. At least your team isn't getting its butt kicked by fake Native Americans on Monday Night Football.     

Hey, you know what would be ironic and funny?

I can only imagine.
What if the Yankees were playing the Braves in the World Series, and the Braves got beat by the Yankees' real Native American player?
But the Braves suck this year, they aren't even going to make the playoffs.

Hello, hypothetical!

But that wouldn't actually be ironic...would it?

I don't know, but wouldn't it be funny?

You're drunk.
Yeah, okay, scotch boy.  Quick, switch it back, it’s elimination time! It’s down to Joe and Kosmo, and…wait, are they…?


You’re never going to forgive me for making you watch this, are you?

I can't believe they're actually sitting there holding hands and sniffling.  I thought this show was about picking up women.

Allegedly.  Hey, what a surprise! Joe got eliminated and now the two most generically good-looking guys are in the finals.  Way to prove that looks don't have anything to do with becoming a great pick up artist, Mystery.

And if you hadn't made me change it back I would have missed the preview with Mystery wearing his fishnet and feathers outfit.  Thanks a lot.

Sorry.  I'll buy you a new bottle of scotch to make up for all this.

You're forgiven.  Can we go back to football now?

Sure.  But you know you’re totally coming over next week to watch the finale with me and Lilith, right?

I'm hanging up now.

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