America's Most Smartest Model

So we actually watched America's Most Smartest Model and um... this is all we have to show for it:

(We'll spare you the images from the "Things That Smell Bad" category).

Rock of Love Reunion

Nothing we could ever write about the Rock of Love reunion could compare to what Rich has done over at the VH1 Celebreality blog. Our hero, as always. (We've stolen all of the images below from him, also as always).

So instead of a true recap, here are just our Top Ten WTF Moments of the Rock of Love Season 1 Reunion.




10. Tiffany's interview segment being totally cut. How could they threaten us with a good time like that and then not follow through?

9. The fake "Bret Sucks" tattoo! We totally called it, and we love Heather for it.

8. Lacey's "singing". Enough said.

7. Rodeo declaring her undying love and affection for Bret one minute...and then pulling a bottle of Rodeo brand barbecue sauce out of thin air the next.

6. The revelation that Brandi M. has done porn?! We must find this for our next pizza and porn party. We can watch it back to back with the Brandi C. video.

5. Brandi C. and Kristia's matching handmade dresses made from old wedding gowns. Also the fact that they (the "Barbie twins") are roommates. Tell us that's not a reality show just waiting to happen!

4. Sam's HUGE necklace. Was that some sort of electronic monitoring device from her sponsor at the Center For The Treatment of Sensitive Tattooed Emo Chicks Who Have Encountered an Aging 80s Rocker in Search of Love?
 3. Magdalena was seen holding a guitar, but not only do we not get to find out why... we don't even get to hear from her at all. We also don't get to hear from Miss "Clown Tits" herself, Erin.

2. Dallas says she doesn't date black men.... What's funnier is this was the only comeback she could think of in response to Lacey's Michael Vick joke.

1. Both Jes and Heather had straight smooth "normal" hair. What a let down.

Of course we also have to mention the least WTF moment of them all: Jes making the not-so-surprising confession that "I think you made the wrong choice. I think Heather was the one." We knew that her tears during the finale were less "I just realized how much I truly care about this man" and more "I just realized that I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing here".

For even more inside info, check out the awesome "Part 2" interview with Jes, as well as her myspace blog. There's also a little update on what Heather and her hair are doing next.



So, who's ready for Rock of Love 2?


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I'm not a hater, I'm a congratulater

Jezebel and Lilith get together to watch the Rock of Love finale... hijinks ensue. Well, okay I guess there weren't too many hijinks.

So Jes won the heart of Bret Michaels.

Heather (and her hair) will be greatly missed.

I love Jes joking about Heather's bed head, "her hair always looks like that". Although it was kinda like the pot calling the kettle teased considering how poofed out she likes to wear her own hair.

I fuckin' love Heather.

...and the editors too for that kissing scene.

"Sloppy seconds, baby"!!

I like Jes but Heather is cracking me up.

She's hilarious. I want him to pick her just so they can have their own awesome reality show like My Fair Brady.

No words for Heather's hair and outfit.

After tonight I feel like maybe her true calling is to be the head of an anti-Charm School. She can teach lessons like 'always match your eyeshadow to your dress' and 'use sexy halter necklines to hide the name tattooed on your neck'.

Heather is awesome.
 
I know this is all staged and fake and it's Vh1 and nobody's really going to be a couple anyway, but why in the hell would either one of those girls want Bret after he pulled that 'would you both be my girlfriends?' stunt on them? They both should have walked out.

It's a test...?  If you say yes, does it mean you love him so much you're willing to share him? Or does it mean you don't love him enough if you could stand to see him with another girl?

Or it means Bret's a wimpy indecisive dick.

Heather called him "America's Asshole"! That should be the name of the spin-off.

At least this leaves open the possibility that Jes will pull a Tango and dump him during the reunion.

Heather should have her own spin-off like I Love New York.

They can call it Striptease of Love. And a bunch of male strippers can compete for her...oh wait, most male strippers are gay, never mind.

No, the male contestants all have to be named "Bret" so she won't have to change the tattoo.

Well if it's one thing this show has taught me about life, it's that every rose has its thorn.

The lesson I've learned is: Don't Get A Guy's Name Tattooed On You!




Can't wait for the reunion next week? Here's a quick little "Where are they now?" guide to hold you over until then...

• According to Jes's VH1 Celebreality blog interview (yeah you know I rushed online to read it) she wasn't allowed to be seen with Bret until the finale aired so as not to spoil the ending. She's spoken to him like once, she said. Geez, can you imagine first sharing your "boyfriend" with a bunch of other women, on television... and then jumping into a long distance relationship (in which you don't even speak) before your relationship has even technically started? Yikes.

• Here's another interview of Jes and Mia, in which Jes talks about why she went on the show in the first place (to get on TV - sounds like true love to me).

• According to Heather's myspace blog, she says she never agreed to share Bret with Jes.  She claims the scene was edited to make it look like she was saying yes when she really never did.  She also says the whole 'Jes is there for Bret when he's sick and Heather doesn't care' thing was editing too.  (And that she did in fact suggest stopping until Bret felt better, but he was the one who wanted to continue driving). I find this all extremely hard to believe, because I have faith in reality show editors and producers and I trust that they would never deceive me.

• Heather's Celebreality interview is also a fun read and she explains the hair once and for all.

As always, all these photos were stolen from the VH1 Celebreality blog. We will miss it so.

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