Thursday, November 11, 2010

Is Mike & Molly becoming a REAL SHOW?

I'm still not a huge fan of the show Mike & Molly, but I was actually really impressed with last night's episode. It was far from perfect (far far far far) but for the first time, I watched the show and actually didn't hate it. The jokes are still kind of hacky (only a handful of them are funny) and it's not hard to find things to be offended by... but for once, the show really felt like a regular 'romantic comedy' sitcom instead of "The Fat Couple Show".

It almost felt like Billy Gardell's claim about the show was finally coming true...
"The great thing about this love story is [that] this is a show people can look at and go, 'You know what? I'm like that' or, 'I look better than that', instead of looking at the show and going, 'God, I'm never going to look like that'."
We originally complained that yes, people would look at the show and relate to the characters... and then feel like shit after 30-something fat jokes were unloaded on them. But now that the fat jokes are finally slowing down and the show the primary focus away from their weights to where it belongs... on their relationship. So we're able to actually view Mike and Molly as just a regular, quirky, TV couple without falling back on 'OMG they're fat!' punchlines.

Anyway, last night's episode was one that many people can relate to... including myself.

Molly has been sleeping over at Mike's apartment quite often and well, let's just say, it's a cliche single guy's apartment. He has one giant gallon of all-in-one shampoo/conditioner/body wash, no hair dryer, etc.  And also, his mattress is old and lumpy... he snores (even when hooked up to his sleep apnea machine, which makes its own noise)... and basically he's just generally clueless.

Finally, in the end he agrees to stay at Molly's place once in a while, even though  it's just as uncomfortable and awkward for him (especially with her sister and mother there).

Now, I'm not a huge fan of the 'oh men are so stupid, look what we poor women have to put up with!' type of jokes... but the truth is, sometimes the person you're dating is a little clueless and these are the silly little things that do come up in new relationships sometimes. Dealing with snoring and overnight bags and weird family members... a lot of us can relate to that! For once, it was a show about two people maneuvering the crazy world of dating... not just two fat people talking about being fat. So for a few minutes there, Mike & Molly was just a show.

But wait! We didn't say it was a good show... Like most sitcoms about dating and relationships, this show falls back on old, tired cliches. There's not just the stupid, sloppy guy cliche... but then Molly's apartment is the opposite: When Mike finally agrees to sleep over at Molly's house for a change there's the whole stereotype of the super-girly bathroom with a hundred bottles of everything and bras hanging in the shower, etc. and then he has to eat breakfast with her mom in Molly's girly bathrobe. Meh.

And that's not all... There's also the dumb slutty sister (and mother) jokes. In this episode she actually walks around naked to get delivery guys to give her free pizza. No really. And apparently a guy can't pick out a mattress with his best friend without snuggling and spooning and making the clerk think they're gay. You know, because they're partners. Get it? Partners... Partners! Get it? Get it? Sigh.

And just in case you think the fat jokes are completely gone... mattress shopping also left us open for at least one or two:
Mike: "I'm looking for something that can accommodate two, let's say, larger people, comfortably."

Carl: "Side by side but sometimes stacked."

Clerk: "Are you thinking conventional mattress or perhaps memory foam?"

Carl: "Oh my grandma's got one of those memory foam beds It's like sleeping on a cloud. You know, a cloud that remembers the shape of your ass."

Mike: "Everything I sit on remembers the shape of my ass."
Mike: "How is it?"
Carl: "Very cushy. It's what I always imagined sleeping on you would be like."

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Reality Rehab with Dr. Jenn

Do you love, hate, or love-to-hate 'reality TV'? Well, then it's time for us to do some shameless promotion for our friend, the brilliant and beautiful Jennifer Pozner. She watched hours and hours of reality television in order to write the book Reality Bites Back: The Troubling Truth About Guilty Pleasure TV (Seal Press) and because her NYC Book Launch party is tomorrow night, we wanted to give her a little shout out before we dive in and write an actual review. (Review and more coming in the near future.)
Reality Bites Back: The Troubling Truth About Guilty Pleasure TVIn Reality Bites Back: The Troubling Truth about Guilty Pleasure TV, Jennifer L. Pozner, founder and executive director of Women In Media & News (WIMN), takes a fierce, funny, and in-depth look at how reality TV affects our beliefs, our behavior, and our culture. This genre encourages us to think less and buy more… but Pozner isn’t buying. Instead, she lays out the deep-seated biases reality TV promotes about women and men, race and class, love and marriage, sex and beauty, advertising and consumption, and more. Drawing on a decade of journalistic research, she connects the dots between reality TV’s hostile representations of women and people of color to decades of similarly harsh narratives in news media and politics.
[...] Reality Bites Back deconstructs reality TV’s twisted fairytales, demonstrating that far from harmless “guilty pleasures,” this genre has a damaging impact on our intellectual and political development. Pozner offers readers a new way of looking at the manipulative framing—and social ramifications—of their favorite shows, urging us to banish the phrase “mindless entertainment” from our collective vocabulary. Exposing behind-the-scenes production employed to “get the kids to go to Crazy Town,” she blows the lid off the claim that unscripted programming simply portrays “real people” with “real emotions.” She reveals how producers, writers, editors, and embedded advertisers spin fictions out of whole cloth—and lays bare their ideological and commercial agendas. [Read More Here]

Tomorrow night she will be hosting a NYC Book Launch Party at Kush Lounge and Bar in Manhattan. We encourage those of you in the area to stop by and pick up a copy of the book (if you ask nicely, we're sure she will sign it for you) and those of you not in the area... check out her website and enjoy the following videos created to promote the book. (Really, you will enjoy them... and we're sure you will recognize some of the main characters!)

[If the embedded videos don't load properly, you can check them out here!]

(Stay Tuned for the final chapter, Webisode 7, The Gangsta Guy, and for the full-length feature, both coming soon!)

Which lines of dialog from Reality Rehab were taken verbatim or paraphrased from real quotes on actual reality TV shows (or were based on quotes producers or network executives have said on air or in the press)? Find out on pages 28, 42, 100, 101, 169, 191, 239, 249, 250, 252 and 253 of Reality Bites Back!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

We Almost Miss the Fat Jokes. Almost.

If you've been following Mike & Molly, then you've surely heard about Maura Kelly's disgusting blog about the show for Marie Claire (Should "Fatties" Get a Room? (Even on TV?)) and its aftermath, including a "Kiss-In" protest outside Marie Claire's offices.

We definitely disagree with Kelly's post (does that even need to be said?), but clearly we're not fans of the show either. But we noticed that it is getting better. Sort of. Kind of. Only not really...
We realized last week that Mike & Molly has finally slowed down with the fat jokes. The series premiere had a whopping 38 fat jokes (almost 2 fat jokes per minute), but last week there were only 9 for the whole episode. I'd like to say that this is progress, but unfortunately... for every missing fat joke they filled that gap with other hacky jokes that fall back on tired cliches and offensive stereotypes. (Who would've thought that we'd almost long for the days of all the fat jokes? Well, almost.)

So this week we thought we'd try something a little different. Instead of just making note of our least favorite fat jokes, let's take a look at some of the other un-funny jokes from the most recent episode:

"They're fourth graders. Just give 'em all Bs. They'll be thrilled. Except for maybe the Asian kids."

"You finally free willy and all we get is 'great guy. nice time.'?"

"Well, for instance, was he tender with you?"
"Yes, he was... very, very tender."
"Not so tender as to be fruity, right?"

"Can I get you a little something to eat?"
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."
"Yeah, and I'm not old, black and Christian... how 'bout a piece of pie?"

"That's probably why the last woman you brought into this house came with an air pump and a patch kit."
"Grandma I told you that was a gag gift from the guys at work."
"It wasn't no gag when I heard it pop at 3o'clock in the morning. Thought it was a drive-by."

One thing we do have to say in the show's defense is that Gardell and McCarthy are both decent actors (even if they don't have any good material) and the chemistry between them is quite sweet at times. I wish the show would focus more on those poignant little moments of new-dating awkwardness and cuteness and less on the fat jokes and stereotypes.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Mike & Molly: Fat People Having Sex

So we missed two episodes of Mike & Molly while we were in Vegas... but we can imagine what they were like:
Fat Joke
Fat Joke
Racist Joke
Fat Joke
Fat Joke
Fat Joke
Fat Joke
Slut Joke
Fat Joke
Penis Joke
Fat Joke
Fat Joke
According to the 'recaps' of the two episodes, this is what we actually missed...

Episode 4: Mike is nervous about Molly seeing him naked, so he won't come inside to say goodnight. She takes it personally and doesn't want to see him anymore. He gets drunk and climbs a ladder to her bedroom to serenade her. He climbs in, but gets stuck (of course). His buddies help him get in the window, but they're too drunk to do anything else.

Episode 5: Carl is jealous that Mike spends all his time with Molly, so they go on a double date... with Molly's sister Victoria. The dates goes pretty well until they see Michael Jordan (??) and Victoria disappears. Mike takes Carl home and then goes back to Molly's but her mom thinks he's a burglar so she hits him on the head. Again no sex.

So yeah, we didn't really miss much. And now for Episode 6... Mike and Molly Have Sex!

In this episode, Mike and Molly finally have sex and I have to say that I'm impressed that they didn't make a single cliche joke about fat people having sex. In fact, they went a little easier on the fat jokes this week in general - there were only 9 this episode! But that doesn't mean that this episode was just fine and dandy. As usual, there were three whole fat jokes that came before the series title. It seems as though they decided to replace the missing fat jokes with overbearing mother jokes, penis jokes and pubic hair jokes. Really classy.

Our least favorite fat jokes of the episode:
"When you get the restaurant's number off a bathroom stall at an Over Eaters Anonymous meeting, you know it's gonna be good."

"...The awkward moment portion of the evening." / "The looming question." / "Who gets the leftovers?"
"Why are you smiling?" / "Why are you smiling?" / "I'm smiling because I get the leftovers."

Sunday, October 10, 2010

SNL Does Sunday Night Football

I watch Sunday Night Football on NBC every week. This means that every week I also bitch about the ridiculously annoying Sunday Night Football theme song. (Sorry, Faith Hill. The truth hurts.) So I cracked up at the parody of the song on last night's Saturday Night Live. As if I needed yet another reason to love Jane Lynch.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Project Runway: Return of the Bitch

So I haven't written about the last few episodes of Project Runway, because I haven't really cared enough. I'm not going to just write recaps about shows without some kind of commentary... and with a few small exceptions (most notably, Mondo's brave confession and deserved win last week) this season has been a big snooze fest. Except for one main recurring theme: Bitchiness. And last night the biggest bitch came back. You know who I mean...


Dun dun dunnnnnn! This time she took her bitchiness to a whole new level.

But first, this made me laugh. Even before we knew Ivy was returning, Heidi made a funny little dig at her during critiques in the workroom with Tim Gunn...
Tim: He's very speedy, Michael is. He's very fast.

Heidi: And that for someone who has no idea how to sew.

Tim: It's amazing.

Heidi: Who was it again who said that you can't sew. Ohhh, I forget, she's not here anymore.
In this episode the challenge was to create butt-ugly active wear for Heidi Klum's butt-ugly active wear line on Snore. Previously eliminated designers were brought back to team up with the designers who are still in the running and it's clear that Ivy came back with an even bigger chip on her shoulder than before! Can we say bitter?
Ivy: So Michael, how does it feel being almost to the end of the competition?

Michael C: Oh, I haven't felt it yet. It's just... I'm still in shock that I'm still here.

Ivy: Why? Because you cheated?

Michael C: No.

Ivy: That's funny... because we actually saw the dress you cheated on.

Michael C: Really, what was it?

Ivy: The blue one, from the Jackie Kennedy challenge.

Michael C: Why don't you ask Lenka about her boobs then?

Michael C: [in interview] Ivy's accusing me that for the Jackie Kennedy challenge that I taped the whole entire dress so that Lenka wouldn't fall out of it. It has support here, and it goes across here. And you know what? Lenka -- she wears sticky boobs and she uses top stick tape to hold her boobs up whenever she does a runway show too.

Michael C: How does it feel to be eliminated for a crappy design?

Ivy: Um, you know, it's a TV show... so.... you can say what you want.

Michael C: So why are you fucking with me for?

Ivy: Whoa. Inappropriate language.

Michael C: Do I bother you?

Ivy: Yes, you do actually.

Michael C: Okay, well then don't talk to me and don't ask me questions.

Ivy: [in interview] The vocabulary and the language that Michael Costello decided to use with me was completely low class. And it just shows what a despicable person he is.

Michael C: You've been nothing but a bitch to me for no reason.

Ivy: Because you cheat Michael.

Michael C: I've done nothing to you.

Ivy: You cheat and you... sabotage people.

Michael C: Is it because I 'can't sew' or something like that? Is that what it is?

Ivy: If that is what you believe and your children are watching this, it's very embarrassing as a father.

Michael C: Be bitter all you want okay but i got here for a reason. Okay?

Ivy: Because you played the game. You talked **** about people and you sabotage people and that's why you're here.

Michael C: Who did I sabotage?

Ivy: Everyone.

Michael C: Who is it?

Ivy: Really? Do we need to go there?

Michael C: Yeah you went there. You started it so tell me who did I sabotage?

Ivy: Um let's start with me. You sabotaged everyone on this show because you cheated and you played the game. And that's all I'm gonna say.

Michael C: Okay well keep being the bossy bitch that you are and don't talk to me.

Ivy: That's why I ended the conversation.
Ivy: [in interview] I think Michael C. is holding the spot that could've been Valerie's, mine, and Michael Drummond's. How can you not be upset with that when they're taking your spot at your dream?
Michael C: [in interview] You have bitterness in your heart, bitterness in your soul because you're not here anymore. You're out. Deal with it.

I loved Mondo's reaction...
Mondo: I feel like a lot of the people that have been sent home could be a little bitter... That challenge was like how many weeks ago? And now it's finally surfaced. It's so pathetic.

And you know you've really crossed over the bitterness line when Gretchen, Project Runway's bitch runner up, is the voice of reason...
Gretchen: Michael C is here. Clearly the judges time and time again have loved his work. It just seems totally counter productive to be having this drama.
Ivy: I think Michael C. deserved to be disqualified. The world will give him what he deserves. I definitely believe in karma.

And then immediately cut to footage of Ivy yelling out in pain after poking herself in the eye while sewing. Oh yeah, tell me again about that karma thing, bitch.

As always, Tim Gunn came in to school the dramalicious designers:
Tim: Designers, may I ask you to gather round please. Ivy, I need you. Designers, I hear that there is an accusation about cheating. Is that true?

Ivy: [silent with her eyes down]

Michael C: Yes.

Tim: I want to hear about it.

Ivy: The Jackie Kennedy challenge, the girls saw a bunch of top stick in the bathroom.

Tim: This is hearsay?

Ivy: No, I saw it. We all saw it.

Michael C: [in interview] If I was trying to hide something with fashion tape, would I leave wrappers all over the women's bathroom? I mean... I don't get it, I just don't get it.

Ivy: So everyone says, you know, why wasn't anything mentioned? But we all were focusing on just doing the best that we could in whatever garment we were producing that it was nearly impossible for us to bring it to the producers' attention.

Tim: And why are you doing it now?

Ivy: Because we finally had a time to reflect that night and we brought it to their attention first thing in the morning the next day and apparently they told us that it was too late.

Tim: It is too late. As far as I am concerned, there is no malfeasance. This is merely a case of he said she said. The tangibles are the following: The judges saw nothing on the runway, I saw nothing in the workroom, and our many cameras saw nothing. So this is a case of a non-case. End of story.

Ivy: Mm-hmm.

Tim: Michael Costello are you alright about that?

Michael C: I'm a little sad but I'm okay with it.

Tim: Sad about what?

Michael C: Just that I ...

Tim: That it happened at all?

Michael C.: Yea that's all.

Tim: We're putting it behind us. Alright? If I believed that this were a really serious issue, we would be dealing with it. It's behind us. Move forward, work work work, I'll see you tomorrow.

A.J.: You alright?

Michael C: I'm hurt, but you know, I'm gonna let it go because there's nothing really to cry about besides people who... is what it is.

And just because I'm on a quoting roll here... let's look at what former Project Runway-designer Nick Verreos (my personal fave of Season 2) had to say about this episode in his weekly blog:
OK, here we go (hit pause on the DVR remote): Since when is using double-stick tape against the rules? EVERYONE uses double-stick tape on runways, fashion shoots and even at the Academy Awards red carpet on the A-list actresses. Back in Season 2, there was NOTHING stopping us from using double-stick tape. I'm assuming the rules changed, as things do (we weren't even allowed pattern paper in my season!), but I still do not agree with them! How in the world can they use glue, glue guns and even staples, but NOT double-stick tape? Need I remind you that Santino's jumpsuit for Kara Janx, back in my season, was glued, taped and stapled! 85 percent of it. And somehow that was OK. But double-stick is not. Call me crazy.

Tim Gunn's Court

Well, maybe I wasn't so crazy, because soon after I hit "Play," Tim walks in to find out what the commotion is all about. He listens to Ivy's accusations and then deems it a "non-case." Thank you, Father Tim. Case closed … but of course, Miss Ivy had to get in her last roll of the eyes as Tim was finishing his final judgment. Classy, Ivy, real classy.

Season 5's Laura Bennett expressed similar sentiments about this episode in her blog:
Ivy is bitter. Ivy is angry. She has always felt she was one of the top designers despite her track record of shi**y work and repeatedly being in the bottom or safe at best. (I do recall one decent outfit from her, but I think I stated even then that I'm nearly 50 so me liking it doesn't count.) Ivy accuses Michael C. of cheating because he used ... wait for it .... TAPE!

How is tape cheating? Hot-glue guns and safety pins are OK, but tape is cheating? Outsourcing the construction of your final collection is cheating (oh no she didn't); tape is not. I can assure you that not a single fashion show in Bryant Park or Lincoln Center or wherever the hell fashion shows happen these days goes down without the use of tape. Also known as Top Stick or double-stick tape. Also used by every stylist in America. And Europe. Do you think Jennifer Lopez kept those puppies in that green Versace without the use of some industrial-strength stick? I want to see Ivy get right up in Donatella's grille and accuse her of cheating.

And Carol Hannah Whitfield also dissed Ivy:
Christopher partners with Ivy to form the most boring design team ever (“with these powers combined ...!”). Ivy makes up for it by being the biggest B possible. That’s right. I said B! For Bitter. Possibly the most bitter and resentful character we’ve seen to date. Way to go, Ivy! Shoot for the stars!

As she’s speaking I’ve begun to hear the Wicked Witch of the West music from “The Wizard of Oz,”

I think Ivy's bitchiness, bitterness, hypocrisy and undeserved ego will not take her far in life. If I was in the fashion industry and saw her behavior on television I would never want to work with her. (If I saw her designs I wouldn't either - she's just not a good designer no matter how much she wants to believe she is.) Look at the way she treated Michael Drummond in their team challenge. Total nightmare to work with. Michael C. on the other hand seems like a truly good person... even when his fellow designers are bashing him left and right, he tries to be positive, to be supportive, to be kind... even to people who do not deserve it.

I think an especially great example of his behavior was during the team challenge when he worked with Mondo. Mondo basically started off with a serious attitude by bashing Michael's construction skills, but Michael was still so optimistic and positive and willing to work as hard as he could help Mondo. Shortly afterward Mondo realized what a dick he was being and apologized. When it came time for the runway critiques and Michael was asked how they worked together, he could've easily trashed Mondo but he was full of praise and kind words. That is the kind of person I would want to work with.

Michael Costello may not be the best designer out there (although he might be better than Ivy) but it's obvious that he's a much better person than Ivy is. She should've spent less time worrying about Michael C. and more time working on her lousy, boring, uninspired designs.

Good riddance (again) Ivy!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Fat Jokes Quickie: Mike & Molly Episode 3

We're still watching Mike & Molly and counting unfunny fat jokes.

  • The first fat joke came in at 0:28.
  • There were 7 fat jokes before the Mike & Molly title.
  • There were a total of 19 fat jokes in this 20 minute episode. That's about 1 joke per minute.
Definitely an improvement from the first episode, but still too many unfunny fat jokes in this episode. What's even worse is that the other jokes that weren't fat jokes still weren't funny.

In this episode, Mike takes Molly bowling and not only does she beat him, but then she has the nerve to be smart and stuff. Man, what a bitch. Of course Mike's sexist little ego can't take it so he acts like a jerk. Meanwhile Molly's sister is having a meltdown over some married guy she was dating. Mike's partner cracks jokes about erectile dysfunction while his sassy black grandmother saves the day with words of wisdom and Jesus love. It's like they managed to feature every unfunny stereotype and TV trope possible. Not. Funny. At. All.

Some of our least favorite fat jokes this episode:
"When you were bent over tying your shoes your wallet didn't look like it was trying to bust outta your ass."

"When it comes to bowling you're a chunky white Michael Jordan."
"He gets grumpy when he doesn't get his tiny pancake."

"Whatever's on the grill, I'm eating it."

"Big man gets bitchy when he's hungry... keep a snickers bar in your purse."

"Why are you being so mean to me? Is she on a new diet?"
"Yeah I'm on the not swallowing anymore of your crap diet"
"Oh Mom, please give her a cookie or something!"

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Mike & Molly: Still Making Fun of Fat People

So after the monstrosity that was Mike & Molly's series premiere we decided to tune back into CBS this week to see if the show was getting better or worse. Creator Chuck Lorre claims that the show isn't "about weight" but after 39 fat jokes in 20 minutes we were unconvinced.

In this episode Mike and Molly have their very first date, but Molly's cold medicine makes it an interesting night.

So let's see how the show tallied up this week:
  • Before the show started, they 'reminded' us of 4 fat jokes from last week.
  • The episode officially began at 0:58, with the first fat joke coming in around 1:10.
  • There were 7 fat jokes before the Mike & Molly title.
  • 16 fat jokes were made by thinner supporting characters at the expense of the bigger characters.
  • There were 3 jokes about diet shakes.
  • There were a total of 32 fat jokes in this 20 minute episode. So that's about one joke every 0.6 minutes.

That's an improvement from last week, but barely.

Both of the leads are hilarious, but the material is lousy. There were actually a few sweet moments between Mike and Molly that would've been nice had the rest of the episode not been such a pile of crap. I really hope that the writers start focusing more on their chemistry than on their weight.

Some of our least favorite fat jokes from this episode:
"I'm an Autumn."
"Autumn... and two months of Winter."

"I'm open to a little color, but nothing too crazy. I don't want my date to open the door and scream 'hey Koolaid!'"

"Everything I sell has a 30-day money back guarantee. Unless of course you get it sweaty... or spill gravy on it."
"You don't get many returns, do you?"
"Not a one"

"Make him a snack."
"Oh great, I'll grab him a bucket of peanuts. ... Can I get you something to eat?"
"No thanks, I consumed a small jungle boy on the way over."

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Re-Run Celebrity Spotting on The Ghost Whisperer

Yes, we watch The Ghost Whisperer. It's one of our guilty pleasures. Vajazzling or not, we love Jennifer Love Hewitt as Melinda Gordon and the super cheesy, melodramatic show.

Another of our favorite things? Margaret Cho. So of course, we were excited when we saw Cho as a guest star on the show in the 'Dead to Me' episode . Cho played Professor Avery Grant in 3 episodes in season 5. The 'Dead to Me' episode first aired in February of 2010 and we caught it again as a re-run this morning on WE in one of those GW-marathons they love to show. Fans of HawthoRNe (or the 2004 Canadian-series Naked Josh) will have also recognized another familiar face: David Julian Hirsch.

The season 5 episode 'Dead to Me' starred Cho as Ned's Occult Anthropology teacher, a woman who had lost her fiance in a car crash just weeks before the wedding. Hirsch was the man driving the car that killed her fiance and his daughter. Apparently the ghost of the daughter noticed that they had a lot in common (mini-golf, crappy music, hating the 'supposably', sounds like the basis for an amazing relationship) and she was haunting Avery in order to get them together, so that her death would mean something.

Cho is mostly known for her comedic performances... her countless comedy tours and TV appearances, as the sassy assistant Teri on Drop Dead Diva or most recently, her hilarious - but talented - performance on Dancing with the Stars. So it was nice to see her in a serious role for a change, as the mourning almost-widow.

Margaret Cho should be on every show.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Making Fun of Fat People: Mike & Molly

So we attempted to watch the new show Mike & Molly on CBS Monday. We say 'attempted' because it was just so bad that we had to turn it off. In case you haven't already heard about the show, it focuses on a couple who met at a weight-loss support group and stars Billy Gardell (My Name Is Earl, Yes, Dear)and Melissa McCarthy (Gilmore Girls, Samantha Who?).

We've always been fans of Melissa McCarthy, especially for her role of Sookie on Gilmore Girls, so we were excited to see her move up from supporting character to a leading role... but then... we watched Mike & Molly. McCarthy plays Molly Flynn, a 4th grade teacher who meets Mike Biggs, a police officer, at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.

The entire show is basically one long, unfunny fat joke. Sookie may have been the sidekick, but her storylines didn't revolve around being fat, she was just Sookie. McCarthy finally gets her own show and it's this crap?

We watched a few parts of the premiere episode - we had to shut it off occasionally because the fat jokes were too much to take. But then we started thinking about it. That was a LOT of fat jokes for a show that's allegedly not about weight according to creator Chuck Lorre.
"This isn't a show about weight," he said "It's a show about people trying to make their lives better and find someone they can have a committed relationship with. It may be odd for television, but hopefully it's reflective of some kind of reality."
That sounds like a great premise for a show... but that wasn't the show we watched.

Lilith: So I'm about 2 minutes in to Mike & Molly and I hate it already.

Jezebel: That's the 'fat people show', right?

Lilith: Apparently. I didn't know that's what it was. I thought it was just a show about two people. But apparently it's the 'fat people show'. Like, okay! We get it! She's fat! He's fat too! Let's laugh at how fat they are... enough already. Blah blah fat blah!

Jezebel: I've heard some stuff about it. That's one of those shows that could be good in theory... but you know will be fucked up in the execution.

Lilith: It's annoying too that there are, what, like two people on the entire channel ever that are not model-tiny but aren't just the 'fat sidekick' and then the show revolves around how fat they are. Why not a show starring fat people that's just a show?

Jezebel: Exactly. It could've be a case of 'Hey a realistic couple! She's pretty but she's not the stick thin gorgeous unrealistic wife that sitcoms usually have' but instead it will be 'Let's beat the same three fat jokes into the ground every week'.
Jezebel: I just put it on for like ten seconds. I decided I'd watch until a fat joke. I'm off already.
Lilith: I can't wait for the episode when they start making 'fat people having sex' jokes. God, at least if the fat jokes were FUNNY. But they're not!
Lilith: Did you notice that the guy's last name is Biggs? Like why not just name him 'Big Fat Cop'?
Jezebel: Oh god, yeah just go all the way and call him Fatty McFat. And she can be Chubbie Chubster or something. Tonight on CBS, a new episode of Big Fat Cop and Big Fat Teacher! On tonight's episode, everybody makes jokes at Fat and Chubbie's expense and it's hilarious! Because they're FAT! Get it? Oh CBS.
Lilith: And of course, his partner is the sassy black guy and her sister is the stupid slutty pothead. So it's like, awesome, we have everyone!
Jezebel: Yeah, it's the Stereotypical One Note Characters Show. Fantastic. Okay let me test again.
Jezebel: Yeah that took like, three seconds for me this time.
Lilith: Let me turn it back on... and... yeah. Fuck this show. It's just one fat joke too many. I'm over it.

Later, we got curious about just how many fat jokes were there really? So we went to and re-watched the show and (painfully) counted every single fat joke. How did it add up? Let's just say if this was a drinking game, we be dead. Here are some of the results:

  • The first fat joke came in at 0:14. Yes. It only took 14 seconds.
  • There were a total of 10 fat jokes before they even showed the Mike & Molly title.
  • There were 20 fat jokes or otherwise rude comments made by thin people against fat people.
  • There were 2 fat jokes that poked fun at the LGBT community and 5 race-based fat jokes (2 about starving people in Africa, 2 about Japanese people, and 1 about Russian mail-order brides).
  • There were a total of 39 fat jokes in this one single episode. Thirty nine.
THIRTY NINE! This was a 30-minute-long sitcom, but when you subtract for commercials (or view it online, as we did) the actual length is 20:46. 39 fat jokes in 20 minutes... That's the equivalent of almost 2 fat jokes every minute. Think about that the next time that Chuck Lorre claims that the show "isn't about weight".

Some of our 'least favorite' jokes from the first episode:

"I would shoot you right now, but I don't have enough chalk to outline your body."

"Why don't you take her to one of those lesbo clubs. They seem to like the beefy gals."

"Who are you trying to fool? I mean, you met her at an O.A. meeting. If she sticks her hand under there and doesn't find a man bra, she's gonna be ecstatic".

"You lost 3 1/2 pounds."
"Oh big deal, my farts weigh 3 1/2 pounds."
"You don't have to tell me, I ride in the car with you every day."
"Maybe you could move to Japan. A big man's like a god over there ... Seriously, yank your underwear up into your crack and get you some sumo-groupies."

I will admit that I did enjoy the chemistry between Gardell and McCarthy... and both are pretty funny. It's just the material that sucks. I would really like for them to star in a successful show together. But that show isn't Mike & Molly. At least not yet. If the show continues on the way the first episode went down, well, let's just say it's not going to become one of our faves. If they can get over the fat jokes and make this show about a relationship between two people - instead of two fat people - it might actually be worth watching. But we won't hold our breath.

About the show, Gardell has said:

"The great thing about this love story is [that] this is a show people can look at and go, 'You know what? I'm like that' or, 'I look better than that', instead of looking at the show and going, 'God, I'm never going to look like that'."
He's right. A lot of people can watch this show and think 'I look like that'. And then they can watch 39 jokes poking fun at the way they look. How are they going to feel then? What's worse? Having only people with unrealistic bodies on television or having people with real bodies and then trashing the hell out of them for a half hour?

The Vampire Diaries' Kat Graham Covers Paula Abdul

Katerina Graham, who plays Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries, recently released a music video for her version of the Paula Abdul song Cold Hearted Snake. Let's have a look, shall we?

Okay, so I think I'm going to have to say...don't quit your day job, Kat. I had to laugh at the dancing, but I guess it's hard to pull off boxing-inspired choreography. And as far as the vocals, I'm going to have to agree with one of the commenters on ONTD, who said, "Seriously, If you can't deliver a stronger vocal performance than Paula Abdul do you really need to be embarking on a musical career?"

Somehow, Kat's version of the song didn't quite make the cut for the upcoming Vampire Diaries soundtrack. Surely just an oversight. For now we're going to have to pass on Kat the pop star and stick to enjoying Bonnie the bitchy witch.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Gates: Sucking less, but still sucking

PilotSo after an entire boring season of The Gates (a.k.a. Desperate Housewives meets a poor man's True Blood) the season finale was all sorts of fucked up in a good way. Technically two episodes back-to-back, it almost made up for the reason of the season - almost. 

There were definitely some cliffhanger moments and surprises... but even then, it wasn't that suspenseful. One problem is the formulaic 'suspenseful music'. They might as well just play DUN DUN DUNNNNNN. And then they play it for too long, where it's like everything is a suspenseful moment and it all ends up being pretty anti-climactic. Or maybe it's just the fact that the writing just isn't that good...Yeah, it's probably that. Whoever is behind the 'ideas' on this show, is pretty smart, but I don't think it's the same person actually writing the script because the dialogue is kinda silly and while the plot twists was pretty good, it just didn't add up to anything amazing. However, I will say that the finale was kinda cool and definitely a decent end to the season. (Not cool enough to make me look forward for next season, but cool enough for me to maybe give next season a shot. There are a few open cliffhangers that I'm actually curious to see what happens next!)

But first... let's make sure you know the main players...

The Human Beings:
  • Frank Buckley (Brett Cullen) is the co-founder and developer of The Gates and the big man in charge. He has the dirt on everyone in town and knows that the residents of the Gates need 'privacy'. His wife Vanessa is a vampire and his bitter ex Devon is a witch (he had an affair with Vanessa while still married to Devon, so she has reason to be bitter). 
  • The Monohan Family: Nick (Frank Grillo) is the new police chief and he's slowly learning that the Gates is not what it seems... that is, he's learning that the supernatural creatures that live within the Gates pretty much outnumber the regular human beings like himself and his family. He's tried to keep this secret from his sweet but too-trusting wife Sarah (Marisol Nichols) but after he was haunted by a ghost last week he came clean to her about all the fucked up stuff going on in town. Sarah is even more clueless than usual because she's been drinking tea given to her by a manipulative witch Devon, which allows Devon to control her. Charlie (Travis Caldwell) is their teenage son and Dana (McKaley Miller) is their tween daughter. 
  • Marcus Jordan (Justin Miles) is one of Chief Monohan's deputies.
  • Emily Radcliff (Georgia Cole) is the Radcliff's adopted human daughter.
  • Thomas Bates (Kyle Secor) is Andie's human father.
The Vampires:
  • Vanessa Buckley (Gloria Votsis) is Frank Buckley's wife. She and Frank had an affair while he was still married to Devon.
  • The Radcliffs: Claire (Rhona Mitra) and Dylan (Luke Mably) live next door to the Monohans and are sort of friends, even though Nick knows that they are vampires. Claire has had a little trouble lately not killing people, something Devon blackmailed her for to get a vial of her blood. Both Claire and Dylan would kill to protect their family and their daughter. Dylan has killed to protect Nick Monohan.
  • Ben McAllister (Linden Ashby) seems to be one of the leaders of the vampire community living within the Gates.
The Werewolves:
  • Brett Crezski (Colton Haynes) is a werewolf and a student at the Gates high school. His father and brother were killed by hunters, so his mother is a little overprotective. He is in love with his on-again-off-again ex-girlfriend Andie Bates, even though she's dating Charlie Monohan. He's got a bad temper.
  • Lexie Wade (Rachel DiPillo) is a friend of Brett's and fellow pack member. She has had a crush on Brett for a while and had a brief flirtation with Charlie, which was mostly to make Andie jealous.
  • Coach Zach Ross (Roger C. Cross) is the football coach at the Gates high school and the current alpha/pack leader.
The Witches:
  • Peg Mueller (Victoria Platt) is the good witch of the Gates. She's a doctor and helps everyone with their supernatural/medical problems.
  • Devon Buckley (Chandra West) is the bad witch of the Gates. She's Buckley's ex-wife, Peg's former student and a manipulative backstabbing doublecrosser. She practices the 'dark arts' of magic and has befriended Sarah, as a means of using her. No one in town trusts her, with good reason.
  • Mia Mueller (Devyn Tyler) is Peg's daughter. She's secretly taking magic lessons from Devon because her mom won't teach her the 'dark arts'.
The Succubus:
  • Andie Bates (Skyler Samuels) is a high school student who lives in the Gates. Her father is human but her mother was a succubus. She can literally suck the life force out of a guy. She used to date Brett but now is dating Charlie. She went back and forth between the two of them for a while, as she was afraid to hurt Charlie with her powers whereas Brett, being a werewolf, could handle it. Now that she is taking 'medication' she can control her powers, so she's back with Charlie.
The... Hm... We're Not Sure Yet? 
  • Leigh Turner (Janina Gavankar) is a deputy on the Gates police force. She's hiding something...
So last week Nick finally told his wife Sarah all about the residents of the Gates being "not normal" because well, he really had to tell her after she was possessed by the angry ghost of the woman who tried to kill Nick for murdering her brother but was instead killed by Dylan the vampire. (Got all that?) Well it just gets more complicated from there... the finale was one big ball of supernatural soap opera crazy. 

The first of the final two episodes opens up with Frank and Vanessa Buckley. Their anniversary is coming up and as a very special present, he wants Vanessa to turn him into a vampire so they can be together forever. Drama ensues.

A lot of people aren't too happy about this. The werewolves are pissed because they're afraid that this means Buckley is 'taking sides' in the eternal vampire-werewolf rivalry. (This to me is just stupid. Hello, he's married to a vampire... so he's already kind of taken sides anyway, but it's not as though he's turned on the wolves yet.) His ex-wife Devon is pissed because she kind of always thought that deep down he was just afraid of commitment, but now he's willing to make an eternal commitment to Vanessa, which means he just didn't want to commit to her.

Devon used the vampire blood that she got from Claire back in episode one or two (she was blackmailing her) - a whole bunch of other yucky stuff she's got - to create a toxin. She used her mind-control tea on Sarah to get her to slip it in Buckley's drink. Later when Vanessa started to drink his blood, she was poisoned and shriveled up into a big pile of creepy. (He wasn't harmed by it, except for the broken heart.)

Once the rest of the community gets wind of the fact that his blood can kill vampires, everyone wants a piece of him... the werewolves want his blood and the vampires want to make sure no one ever gets his blood. Devastated by the fact that the people he spent so long trying to protect are now all ready to kill him, he shoots himself. Dylan disposes of the body and there's no harm, no foul. 

Except for the fact that if the rest of the rest of the vamps find out that it was Claire's blood that Devon used to make that potion (or about the murder that Devon was blackmailing them for in order to get it in the first place) then she and Dylan will be dead too.

Meanwhile Devon has left town, smart girl... Nick wants to arrest her and all the vampires want to kill her, especially Dylan and Claire, who are trying to find her before the rest of them do so they can protect themselves and more importantly, their daughter Emily. Peg's daughter Mia is apparently a huge dumbass, so she brings Devon some magic supplies to help her do a spell to protect herself. Devon confesses to her that she did poison Buckley, but not to kill Vanessa. It was to protect him from vampires and Vanessa would've been fine if she hadn't tried to bite him. (Yeah, okay, sure, whatever.) Mia tells Devon that Buckley killed himself and she actually seems sad for a minute.

The Radcliffs track her to the hotel room but she's already gone, having returned to the Gates to warn Sarah about a vision she had... dun dun dun...

Meanwhile Sarah, upon realizing that she a) has been under Devon's control, b) is semi-responsible for Vanessa and Buckley's deaths and c) lives in the most fucked up gated community ever, decides that it is time for them to move out of the Gates for good.

Over in the teen angst side of the show, Charlie has come to terms with Andie's secret and is less concerned that she will suck the life out of him once he learns about her special magic 'medicine'. Of course, this infuriates her ex-boyfriend Brett, who had convinced her that he was the only wolf man that could handle her succubus-ness. Acting like a petulant child with roid-rage, he dilutes her medicine with water to make it less effective. Then he's immediately like "oh shit, well that was a dumb and dangerous idea". 

He enlists Lexie to go find Andie before she does some serious damage but they're too late because Charlie, pissed that his parents want to move the family again, runs away with Andie and ends up near death after she accidentally sucks away his life force. 

Sidenote: Am I the only one who feels like this succubus storyline is a little bit slut-shamey? Like basically, if Andie expresses her sexuality, she can kill a guy. I feel like the idea of the succubus paramour is supposed to be about women's power but on this show it just feels like she's being punished for wanting to fool around with boys. In a way it's a safe sex metaphor because if she had been using her medicine properly Charlie would have been protected.

Anyway, Sarah's freaking out and Peg doesn't know what to do to help him. Andie's dad says if they bring him to the hospital, he will probably die because they just don't understand how a succubus works. Peg suggests they look for Devon, who might be able to help him using "the dark arts". Mia admits that she is hiding out in the secret backroom of her spa but when Nick arrives to get her, he finds her held at gunpoint by Claire and Dylan.
Nick: "Put the gun down. I need her alive." 
Dylan: "Well, unfortunately we need her dead."
Oh well, that is unfortunate. I love that they said that to the Chief of Police. Man, Nick Monohan is so not in charge here. He explains that they need Devon to save Charlie and that they can totally just kill her later. On the way back to Charlie Ben McAllister and some other important vamps show up to 'retrieve' Devon. 

A bloody vampire-on-vampire fight (in the rain no less) breaks out and the Radcliffs end up killing their own kind to protect Devon, who they actually want to kill themselves so the vampires don't kill them which... well, let's just say they're digging themselves in even deeper than before. 
In the Stuff-We-Almost-Stopped-Caring-About category... Way back in the beginning of the series, it was suggested that Leigh wasn't completely normal either. She's not a vampire, but she was on the list of people who needed 'new identities' back from the FBI episode and we know she has a secret mysterious box that's very important to her (important enough that she killed the burglar who stole it in episode 3) and causes her physical pain if she's separated from it for too long.Yeah remember that? Don't care? Well, be prepared to care even less!

In what can only be described as violating your coworker's personal space, Marcus goes to her house and looks in the box. It makes a whoooshing sound when it's open. No really, even the TV captions "whoosing sound". She immediately senses that it's open and jets back over there. She points her gun at him and demands that he shut the box, which is... beating? What the... yep, it's her heart. It's her heart in a box. Literally. Her heart. In a box. Really. According to her, an ex-boyfriend used 'Vodun' an ancient magic, to 'take away' her heart, so she could never love again. And so now she has her heart, literally, in a box. She's the fucking Tin Man! Of all the things it could've been... of all the possibilities we imagined... it is the dumbest, least interesting answer ever! (Congratulations writers, even in what would otherwise be a decent finale, you found a way to still suck as hard as you did in the premiere episode. Way to go!) She confesses that her real name is Isabelle Armont, which makes Marcus realize that the ex-boyfriend has found her, because someone keeps calling looking for 'Isabelle Armont'. Dun dun dun.... Okay now that might be interesting. The return of the evil magic ex-boyfriend better be good, because the heart-in-a-box was a major letdown.

Anyway, Nick and Devon get back to Charlie and Devon says she can bring him back, but in order to bring him back from the dead, he has to actually die. Well, that's a shitty loophole. So she kills him and then uses magic to bring him back to life and it works. Devon sticks around to 'monitor' him, but then the Radcliffs show up to get her. Apparently the vampires said they would go easy on them if they deliver Devon, which, yeah we don't really believe that and neither do they. So they have to make some kind of arrangements for their daughter Emily. Nick's all like 'can't we work it out, can't we all just get alone?' as if he still hasn't realized by episode 13, that no, it doesn't work that way. 

But his defending Devon for saving his son is cut short when Charlie wakes up. He's just gotten a voicemail from Andie, who is glad he's okay but doesn't want to kill him again so she's going far, far away. (Hopefully, she took some of her medicine with her, or she's going to leave a trail of dead boys whereever she goes.) Dana yells "something's wrong with Charlie!" and oh yes, she's right. His eyes are all red and he kinda looks like the walking dead (aha, he is, get it? get it? but no really, he looks like shit). He glares at his dad, which shoots him across the room. Just in case we were starting to think that Devon wasn't so bad after all, the episode closes on her creepy, evil smile...
"I said I could bring him back. I didn't say he'd be the same."
Cue the DUN DUN DUNNNNN right about now... but yeah, okay, they got me. Most of the cliffhangers were kinda boring: Will Leigh get her heart back? (Who cares) Will the Radcliffs die? (Obviously not.) But I do want to know what has happened to Charlie. At least now the Monohans have a reason not to leave the Gates... because their zombie demon son probably isn't going to fit in anywhere else. The show may be soap opera to the max, but I'm willing to let them answer these questions next season. 

Of course, if the answers are as stupid as 'oh it's just my heart... in a box' then I'm going to be pretty pissed off.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Vampire Diaries: Season 2

So, as you may have already noticed... we are obsessed with the new season of The Vampire Diaries. We may have criticized the show as being a poor man's True Blood for teens when it first came out but it has definitely earned itself a spot on our DVR schedule!

We just posted a full refresher course for the last season of The Vampire Diaries so those of you who may have overlooked the show could catch up before we dive into the new season. (True Blood is on hiatus anyway, come on, give it a shot, you know you want to!)

So here's our take on the first two episodes of season 2...


#1 The Return (Season Premiere):

The premiere picked up exactly where the finale ended... Katherine has just stabbed John Gilbert and he's bleeding all over the kitchen. Caroline is in critical condition at the hospital after the car accident. Jeremy is lying in bed, possibly dying from an overdose of pills (with Anna's vampire blood still in his system).

Elena comes home to a scary mess of Uncle John in the kitchen and calls 911. Luckily Katherine takes off before doing anymore damage. Elena runs to check on Jeremy and finds out about his stupid plan. Ironically, the blood in his system actually helped protect him from the effect of the sleeping pills and has almost completely left his system. Poor Jeremy, he can't even commit suicide properly!

At the hospital, Elena gives John back his ring, so he will be okay... but Stefan threatens him that he better leave town. He does, but not before telling Jeremy that it's his legacy or whatever to fight vampires just like he and his father and all the Gilbert men before them. Snore... Everyone else is stressing over whether or not Caroline will be okay and Bonnie is overwhelmed with guilt when she learns that Tyler was affected by "the device" because she had pretended to disable it but lied. Damon offers to give her some vampire blood to help speed up her healing. Meanwhile Tyler is dealing with his father's death when his mysterious, uncle Mason (Taylor Kinney) arrives. Maybe he knows the family secret? Side note: Tyler and Jeremy have a brief moment of bonding over the fact that they both have dads that were assholes who are dead. Hey, whatever it takes right?

Damon has a confusing conversation with Elena who has no memory of what he thinks was a kiss they shared. This clues him into the fact that Katherine is back! Dun... dun... dun... Stefan and Damon are stressing, trying to figure out what Katherine wants... and are trying hard not to let her bait them back into their old rivalry.

You can so easily tell the difference between Katherine and Elena (it's not just the hair!) that you almost forget that they're both played by the same actress.

It's subtle but it's good. We gotta hand it to Nina Dobrev... she has certainly worked on her acting chops since her days on Degrassi or cheesy films like The American Mall and Never Cry Werewolf.

Katherine shows up at the Lockwood residence and attacks Bonnie but Stefan saves her and they have a verbal showdown. 

Stefan: "I haven't spent 145 years obsessed with you." 
Katherine: "Based on your choice of women, I'd say otherwise. Though I'll admit that it does bother me that you've fallen in love with someone else."
Stefan: "I was never in love with you, Katherine. You compelled me. None of my feelings were real."
Katherine: "Believe what you want, Stefan. But I know the truth and deep down, so do you. ... You want to know why I'm here: I came back for you." 
Stefan: "The problem, Katherine, is that I hate you."
Katherine: "You hate me, huh? That sounds like the beginning of a love story, Stefan. Not the end of one."
Later, Katherine shows up at the Salvatore residence and she and Damon make out a bit, but it all goes sour when Katherine admits that she never loved him. "It was always Stefan." Ouch. Poor guy has been pining over her for over 100 years and she never even loved him. Honestly, it was enough to actually make you feel bad for him. Hottie Ian Somerhalder definitely gave this role his all, you really see the heartbreak - and then mental downward spiral - all over his face.

He then confronts Elena about the kiss that didn't happen and tries to get her to admit that they do have some kind of connection. Of course, Elena says that she only loves Stefan too. Double ouch. Jeremy interrupts them and Damon snaps his neck. WTF!? Luckily he was wearing John's ring, so he doesn't actually die, leaving us to wonder if Damon saw the ring or not?

In the final WTF moment of the episode, Katherine later goes to see Caroline in the hospital, introduces herself, and tells her to give the Salvatores a message: "Game on". Then she smothers Caroline with a pillow. Oh yes. One of the best season premieres we've seen in a while.

#2 Brave New World:

Don't worry. Caroline's not dead! She's... undead. She still had Damon's blood in her system, so she woke up as a confused vampire. Watching her suck blood out of a bag at the hospital made me gag, but Caroline's transition is one of the best new plot twists and honestly, it makes the character a lot less annoying. And Candice Accola did a great job with it.

Meanwhile, the Salvatores have other concerns... While at the Lockwood residence talking to Mrs. Lockwood (who will be taking over for her dead husband as Interim Mayor) he overhears something that piques his interest even more about Lockwood family curse. Why did "the device" affect Tyler and the Mayor, even though they aren't vampires? What are they? And damn, why is Mason Lockwood such an awesome arm wrestler?

Damon devises a little test... He compells a guy to pick a fight with Tyler, just to see what happens. What results is a really dumb looking special effects stunt of Mason leaping through the air with yellow eyes. Okay.

 The poor guy they fight has an even worse fate though than being double teamed by would-be-werewolves. Caroline, trying really hard not to bite her boyfriend Matt, can't help herself and kills him, oops. (Not Matt, the poor schmo who fought the Lockwoods. Hey she couldn't help it. He smelled delicious.)

Everyone has a different reaction to finding out about Caroline's new "condition". Damon wants to kill her partly because she knows about him, having regained all of her memories of how Damon treated her and partly because he knows she won't survive as a vampire for long. And he's probably right. I mean, hello, her mother is the head of the anti-vampires Founders Council. Don't you think she's going to be suspicious if her daughter stops going outside in the daytime? Somebody get her a sun-walking ring STAT. Stefan teaches her how to control herself so she's safe for now, but we know we haven't seen the end of this storyline yet.

Bonnie, upon finding out that Caroline is a vampire, freaks out and blames Damon. Yeah, technically it's his fault because of his blood and all, but dude, she was in a hospital, what were the chances of her dying? No one could've known Katherine was going to do that. Bonnie's character has taken a serious turn for the bitch in the past few episodes... but trying to kill Damon was just the last straw for me. Can someone put this witch in her place already? Elena saves Damon, in what can only be described as a Sookie-and-Eric moment of I'm-mad-at-you-but-not-so-mad-that-I-want-you-to-die. Well that, and she just thinks that Bonnie is better than that. Probably more that.

Back at home later that night, Matt goes to visit Caroline and tells her he loves her. Caroline resists the urge to bite him and hugs him instead. Poor Matt. Will someone please tell the poor guy about the whole vampires thing? He's honestly, like the last guy in town who doesn't know.

Watch Episodes From Season One Now:


Watch Episodes From Season Two Now:

The Return