The return of instant message commentary... it's Saturday Night Live with Betty White!
Jezebel 11:29 PM: SNL just started.
Lilith 11:30 PM: Oh thanks! I wasn't paying attention to time.
Jezebel 11:31 PM: I just happened to look up at the right time.
Lilith 11:32 PM: OK so um maybe not an AMAZING start.......
Jezebel 11:32 PM: Yeah, except for the audience going nuts for her.
Lilith 11:32 PM: ...and for all the returning stars. I love me some Amy Poehler.
Lilith 11:34 PM OK why is jayz the musical guest on mother's day? LOL
Lilith 11:35 PM OMG Betty White is 88?
Jezebel 11:35 PM I know, amazing.
Lilith 11:36 PM Aw, she's cute.
Jezebel 11:36 PM Oh God she's thanking facebook.
Lilith 11:36 PM “It sounds like a huge waste of time” LOVE IT
Jezebel 11:36 PM lol yes
Lilith 11:38 PM lol I love how she can't get through a sentence without "wooooooh!"
Jezebel 11:38 PM I know.
Lilith 11:38 PM OK, she's officially already the best host in a while.
Lilith (11:39:09 PM): No disrespect to Precious (or who my mom calls 'Prudence').
Jezebel 11:39 PM LOL I almost forgot about that.
Lilith 11:39 PM Ugh Macgruber. Way to ruin my Betty White high, SNL!
Jezebel 11:39 PM I still can't believe they made a fucking movie out of this.
Lilith 11:39 PM I know. Like, they keep trying to make like the next Wayne's World but it aint gonna happen. This has It's Pat written all over it.
Jezebel 11:41 PM Oh God, It's Pat. I love Julia Sweeney but that was a trainwreck.
Lilith 11:41 PM OK that was maybe the funniest Macgruber I've seen. Not that it was funny, but in comparison.
Lilith 11:41:16 PM OMG The Delicious Dish! This is why SNL isn't funny anymore. Because they dont have enough of the shit like this!
Lilith 11:42 PM Bran-new. "That's funny. You took the D off brand and made it bran."
Jezebel 11:42 PM That's Brandy's rapper name.
Jezebel 11:42 PM I learned that from watching the Brandy & Ray J show. She's trying to reinvent herself so she's now Bran' Nu or some shit.
Lilith 11:42 PM Well, hope she "does it 100".
Jezebel 11:42 PM I think she will. I have faith.
Lilith 11:43 PM OMG. Betty White said "my muffin". Get a whiff of that!
Jezebel 11:43 PM bluffin with my muffin...
Lilith 11:43 PM I can't wait to taste your muffin. Dude, Betty White is awesome. This is like Schwetty Balls.
Jezebel 11:43 PM A yeasty muffin can really ruin your whole day.
Lilith 11:44 PM Man this is the best episode in forever. She delivers the naughtiest lines the best.
Jezebel 11:45 PM I love the little smile on her face.
Lilith 11:46 PM Giant dusty muffin. OMG.
Jezebel 11:46 PM Wow.
Lilith 11:47 PM Aw and now the Betty White snickers commercial.“ That's not what your girlfriend says!”
Lilith 11:49 PM Betty White's gonna be on a new sitcom? Well, it's on TV Land, but still. Good for her!
Jezebel 11:49 PM Oh yeah I read something about that. I think her role was supposed to be smallish. but now that she's all extra popular right now, they made it a bigger part.
Lilith 11:50 PM Is it just me or do you find Fred Armisen annoying? He's funny but I dont love him.
Lilith 11:50 PM When I see him all I can think of is Euro Trip when they're on the train. “Mi scusi mi scusi mi scusi” (Please tell me you saw that amazing classic film, lol)
Jezebel 11:50 PM I think part of it is the stuff they make him do. Like they've decided that he's going to play all of the 'ethnic' parts.
Jezebel 11:51 PM Amigos con benefits.
Lilith 11:51 PM Amigos con benefits!
Lilith 11:51 PM ESP. I love that we picked out the same line to comment on.
Jezebel 11:51 PM lol
Lilith 11:52 PM I dunno, this sketch feels too racist to me. Like 'OMG Spanish accents and Latin music, hilarious!'
Jezebel 11:52 PM I know.
Lilith 11:52 PM Like, I get that it's making fun of Telemundo, which really does have shows like this... but still.
Lilith 11:53 PM Betty White is here to save the sketch! OMG she's so cute.
Jezebel 11:54 PM Seriously.
Lilith 11:54 PM OMG why are they giving Betty White so many vagina jokes!?
Jezebel 11:55 PM Because they're not creative.
Lilith 11:55 PM ...because it's scandalous for an 88 year old woman to say things like 'muffin' and 'taco'?
Jezebel 11:55 PM Yeah that's what I mean. Like they're going to beat that into the ground.
Lilith 11:56 PM GOD! Why don't they just kill this Macgruber thing already?
Jezebel 11:56 PM It's so unfunny.
Lilith 11:56 PM I love Will Forte but Macgruber is not good.
Lilith 11:57:16 PM I want to be like "SNL! Stop trying to make Macgruber happen!"
Jezebel 11:57 PM I just tweeted that.
Lilith 11:59 PM Tina Fey! "We're all a twitter!"
Lilith 12:00 AM OMG... vagina jokes and lesbian jokes. Way to use Betty White's skills...
Jezebel 12:00 AM Oh crabapples.
Lilith 12:00 AM Let her stay home and lez. OK I'm totally using this line one day "you're barking up the wrong lesbian".
Jezebel 12:02 AM WTF is happening? lol
Lilith 12:02 AM Betty White just said 'balls' on live TV.
Jezebel 12:02 AM I know.
Lilith 12:02 AM Ugh Macgruber!
Jezebel 12:02 AM That whole entire sketch was built around Betty White saying 'balls' and 'lesbian'.
Lilith 12:03 AM Oh and now incest jokes.
Jezebel 12:04 AM ew ew ew
Lilith 12:04 AM Wow. Stay classy SNL.
Jezebel 12:04 AM Well, Betty White's a good sport, we can say that much.
Lilith 12:04 AM I love her more than ever. but wow. I don't know what the SNL writers are smoking.
Jezebel 12:05 AM Me either.
Jezebel 12:07 AM ...and now to add to the WTFness of this episode, here's Jay Z!
Lilith: 12:07 AM Blah.
Jezebel 12:07 AM "Allow me to re-introduce myself" Stop pretending to retire and then coming back!
Lilith 12:07 AM Did he just rip off the humpty dance? H-to-the-umpty!
Jezebel 12:08 AM Maybe it was an homage to a classic song.
Lilith 12:08 AM Well that's what rappers call ripping other songs off... paying homage to the classics.
Jezebel 12:08 AM Okay Jay, just take a break in the middle of the performance, that's fine.
Lilith 12:08 AM I'm diggin his vest. Um, I think….
Jezebel 12:08 AM I was just staring at it trying to figure out how I feel about it.
Lilith 12:09 AM Ew, not liking the back of the vest!
Jezebel 12:11 AM It looks like a big strip of sparkly sandpaper or something
Lilith 12:11 AM Meh, this is boring. All I can think is 'is it over yet?' It's not even bad it's jut.... who cares?
Jezebel 12:11 AM Since Betty White has been in like every sketch, I keep waiting for her to walk out on stage lol.
Lilith 12:12 AM LOL I know man that would be so awesome!
Jezebel 12:12 AM Is this like a Jay-Z medley? It just keeps going and going...
Lilith 12:12 AM Everytime I think it's over, he starts again. Yeah, he couldn't decide which song to do so he's doing the best of Jay-Z lifetime collection.
Jezebel 12:13 AM Seems that way.
Lilith 12:13 AM Oh are they fucking kidding me?
Jezebel 12:13 AM I guess Alicia Keys wasn't available, but they should have taken the opportunity to let Betty sing it.
Lilith 12:13 AM Yes!
Jezebel 12:14 AM Maybe he's only going to perform once instead of twice? He's just putting it all in one performance lol
Lilith 12:14 AM Maybe he has somewhere to go after.
Jezebel 12:15 AM Is her hair actually blue or is it just the lighting?
Lilith 12:15 AM Yea I kept wondering, I can't tell.
Jezebel 12:15 AM I like it, I think that's going to be my next look lol
Jezebel 12:17AM Ugh this commercial...Mario Lopez and Tom Cruise. Two huge douchebags for the price of one.
Lilith 12:18 AM Weekend Update… aw I was hoping Amy Poehler or Tina Fey would be in the Weekend Update.
Jezebel 12:18 AM Maybe a guest spot. If we can't have Stefon again, we should at least get that.
Lilith 12:19 AM Aw… I got excited for a min but it's not Amy or Tina. Booooo!
Jezebel 12:21 AM Yeah I don't know what's happening with this. Is this going anywhere?
Lilith 12:23 AM I dunno I feel like Whitney Houston jokes are played out at this point. Like she's fucked up now we get it!
Jezebel 12:23 AM Especially pointless ones. It's not like something new happened that they could make fun of.
Lilith 12:23 AM Like Maya Rudolph does her well but .... why?
Lilith 12:25 AM Finally. Betty White.
Jezebel 12:25 AM Thank God.
Lilith 12:28 AM AMY!
Jezebel 12:28 AM There she is.
Lilith 12:30 AM Tina!! YAY!
Jezebel 12:30 AM Here we go.
Lilith 12:31 AM Seth is in an awesome sandwich!
Lilith 12:35 AM OMG Betty White with a 'fro?
Jezebel 12:37 AM Are these prison rape jokes?
Lilith 12:37 AM This is a recurring sketch. Yeah it's "hilarious" (eyeroll).
Jezebel 12:37 AM Oh God can't wait for the movie! ...The Wizard of Ass.
Jezebel 12:39 AM WTF This episode is crazy.
Lilith 12:39 AM OK so they made her say lesbian 100x, balls, ass, and a medley of vagina euphemisms.
Lilith 12:40 AM Oh and now a commercial for Grandpa Robin Hood.
Jezebel 12:43 AM I wish CSI: Sarasota was a real show. I would watch the hell out of it.
Lilith 12:43 AM That was classic CSI: "he's fallen... and he'll NEVER get up".
Jezebel 12:44 AM Yep. Oh God and here's a Depends joke. Guess they couldn't resist.
Lilith 12:45 AM I guess that's sorta vagina-related.
Lilith 12:45 AM Wow she really is in EVERY sketch. Thank God.
Jezebel 12:45 AM OMG!
Lilith 12:46 AM W
Lilith 12:46 AM T
Lilith 12:46 AM F
Jezebel 12:46 AM Wow, okay lol.
Jezebel 12:46 AM Okay add 'motherfucker' to the list.
Lilith 12:46 AM I... I... words fail me.
Jezebel 12:49 AM Yeah, that was pretty special.
Lilith 12:50 AM ..... !!!
Jezebel 12:51 AM Oh good Jay-Z's back.
Lilith 12:51 AM Who is this with him?
Jezebel 12:51 AM It's Mr. Hudson of course! lol
Lilith 12:52 AM I like this song (not this version, but at least its a sorta ok song).
Jezebel 12:52 AM This is another one of those 'does this song really need a hot remix' songs?
Lilith 12:52 AM I have a crazy techno rave version of this song... where the voices are so sped up they sound like munchkins. I love it. It's terrible.
Jezebel 12:52 AM Oh yeah I've heard that. I don't know where people get these ideas.
Lilith 12:53 AM Aw, that was cute. He dedicated it to Betty White.
Jezebel 12:53 AM Aw okay points for the dedication.
Lilith 12:53 AM I forgive you Jay-Z.
Jezebel 12:53 AM lol
Lilith 12:56 AM And... a vibrator joke. Poor Betty White.
Lilith 12:58 AM Wow. OK that was... interesting.
Jezebel 12:58 AM It certainly was.
Lilith 1:00 AM Jay-Z looks weird. What is he looking at?
Jezebel 1:00 AM The two of them standing next to each other is bizarre.
Lilith 1:00 AM Yes. OK, I love Betty White, but the SNL writers can suck it.
Jezebel 1:01 AM Yes and yes.
Jezebel 1:21 AM OMG the Macgruber marrying his grandma thing is based on a real news story.
Lilith 1:21 AM WHAT
Lilith 1:21 AM THE
Lilith 1:21 AM FUCK
Jezebel 1:21 AM Just read it in the ONTD thread (which is over 7000 comments lol, everyone loves Betty White). Story. I really hope this is fake.
Lilith 1:23 AM OK, at least she didn't raise him as a grandmother. (She gave his mother up for adoption but still they're genetically family.) Ew.
Jezebel 1:25 AM Let's watch Betty again to clean this out of our minds.