This was an awesome season, but it sure jumped around a lot... It sort of feels like there were some story lines that were just 'dropped' mid-season and some characters keep going back and forth between different mood swings... but we're gonna hang in there for the final episode and see if everything gets resolved.
SPOILER WARNING: I think this should go without saying but if you haven't caught up on the last few episodes of True Blood's third season and you want to watch them instead of read about them here, then stop reading now.
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!
So anyway, for those of you who want a quick 'refresher' before the finale... here you go.
At the very end of Season 2: Sam has killed the annoying Maryann (with help from Bill) and saved the town from sex-crazed zombie-ism, then went to look for his long lost parents. Sookie helped Eggs 'remember' what he did under Maryann's influence, which made him freak the fuck out so he went at Andy Bellefleur with a knife and Jason shot him. Sophie-Anne, the Queen of Louisiana, is making Eric and Pam sell V (thanks to the help of Lafayette). Hoyt and Jessica broke up, so she's taken to feeding on random truckers. Bill proposed to Sookie and then mysteriously disappeared.
Season 3 starts with everyone being all kinds of fucked up. Tara is mourning Eggs and pissed at Sookie for helping him remember what he did. Jason is wracked with guilt and Andy is trying his hardest to cover up what happened. Sookie is looking for Bill, who is being fed on by the V-hungry werewolves that kidnapped him. Pam, Eric and Queen Sophie-Anne are all freaking out because the Magister might be onto them about dealing vampire blood. Jessica has both a broken heart and a dead trucker stinking up the house. Arlene is pregnant and Hoyt is heartbroken and sleeping on Jason's couch. Lafayette has lots of stress between Tara trying to kill herself and Eric and Pam forcing him to sell V. Tara's mother is proven to be fucking useless and poor Sam is having sex dreams about Bill.
- WHAT'S UP WITH BILL THIS SEASON?
- WHAT'S UP WITH ERIC THIS SEASON?
We learn about his past with Russell and his werewolves: they killed his family back when he was still human and so now he's vowed revenge on Russell Edgington. But first, he's got to take care of poor Pam. First he helps Russell convince a reluctant Sophie-Anne to marry him, then he gets her to clear Eric's name in the whole blood-dealing thing with the Magister. Then Russell forces the Magister to perform the marriage and beheads him. Gross.
With the Magister out of the way, Eric is now free to have some homoerotic moments with Talbot (Russell's boyfriend) which turns out to only be a ruse in order to stake him, killing the only one Russell ever loved. Poor Talbot. Then he goes to the American Vampire League for protection and 'testifies' against Russell about everything - the blood, the marriage, the Magister - but they don't want any part of it. Then Russell freaks everyone out by killing a news anchor on live TV and giving a crazy speech about how vampires are superior to humans. Now everyone in town hates vampires more than ever (ah metaphors!) and the AVL wants Eric to take care of it.
Eric backstabs and double crosses pretty much everyone (except Pam, who he's leaving all his money to, what a good
- WHAT'S UP WITH JESSICA AND HOYT THIS SEASON?
Ugh. She's super-sweet, but in a fakey passive-aggressive way. She's also really pushy and annoying, just showing up uninvited and forcing her way into Hoyt's life. We later find out that his mother has been behind it all along. Jason likes her because she cooks and cleans, but Hoyt can't help but compare her to Jessica and she just doesn't measure up. And she collects dolls. Really. When she offers him her virginity (even though it's against 'God's rules') in order to keep him, he breaks up with her and tries to win Jessica back once and for all.
Jessica is working as a hostess at Merlotte's and getting hit on by Sam's newly discovered shifter brother Tommy (more on him later). Hoyt tries to convince Jessica that he loves her and that's all that matters. Hoyt goes outside and Tommy turns into a dog and mauls his arm, but Jessica shows up to save the day and gives Hoyt her blood. Then later she confesses what's been going on - about the trucker and everything - and says that she doesn't want to give up drinking human blood. Hoyt offers himself to her for her to feed on him. How romantic.
- WHAT'S UP WITH LAFAYETTE THIS SEASON?
He's gay and hot and into magic and shit like that. His father was an evil sorcerer or something, so he and his mother traveled all over the world trying to stay hidden from him. First Jesus is freaked out by the fact that Lafayette is a drug-dealer, but then after seeing what vampire blood can do he wants to try it.
They have a super trippy V-experience together in which they learn that they both have 'magic' in their family history. But then Lafayette starts seeing Jesus with a monster-face and all the little religious dolls in his house start talking to him. We won't know til the finale what's going to come of that, but hopefully it's bringing Lafayette some new power, not getting him into trouble.
- WHAT'S UP WITH TARA THIS SEASON?
You thought Russell Edgington was crazy? No, Franklin is way more crazy. He may have a sexy British accent and extra-long fangs, but he's a hot mess of fucked up. He's in town to find Sookie, so he disposes of Jessica's little dead body problem in exchange for info about Bill and Sookie... After one night of sex with Tara he decides that he's in love with her, ties her up and kidnaps her so she can become his vampire bride. He also types text messages really fast and he's super proud of that.
Franklin takes Tara to Russell's house, where she has to pretend to love him back in order to keep from potentially getting killed. She sees Bill and asks him for help but he says 'no' because he's still going undercover as a bad guy with Lorena and Russell. In what may be a more disturbing sex scene than Bill turning Lorena's head around, Tara - in self preservation mode - gnaws on Franklin's neck, drinks his blood, and has sex with him. The next morning she smashes his head in and telepathically sends a message to (an also kidnapped) Sookie that she has a plan to get them out of there. Sookie won't leave without Bill, who has been tortured and drained, and Tara's not too happy about that. After Tara discovers that Bill has 'accidentally' drained Sookie and practically killed her without realizing it, she throws him out into the sunlight to die. (But he doesn't, hm, peculiar.)
Tara then has to deal with all this post-traumatic type stuff, getting over being kidnapped and raped, on top of getting over Eggs' death. Then Franklin comes back, pissed that she tried to kill him and more importantly, that she didn't mourn him afterward. He promises that he will mourn her after he kills her, but Jason saves the day by shooting him in the heart with a wooden bullet. Tara and Jason bury Franklin's
- WHAT'S UP WITH ANDY THIS SEASON?
- WHAT'S UP WITH JASON THIS SEASON?
First he's totally guilt-ridden over killing Eggs that he just can't deal. Andy gives him a pep talk and convinces him to go about life as usual (which means lots of sex, "conscience off, dick on!") Of course, his subconscious isn't having that... he keeps seeing bullet holes in everyone's head. Now that's a turn off. Then suddenly, Jason switches from guilt and depression to jealousy. Andy is a bonafide celebrity now for something Jason did... he deserves some recognition!
He's also super jealous of a high school football player "Kitch" who is stealing his glory by beating his passing record. Poor poor Jason.
He's a douchebag. That's really about it. He's the new football star, he's about to beat Jason's record... and he's more cocky about it than even Jason has ever been. Basically, he's who Jason used to be... only better... and more of an asshole.
Oh and we find out later that the reason he's so great at football is that he's been taking V. Jerk.
Now all of a sudden, Jason decides he needs to have a sense of purpose or some shit... so he wants to be a cop. Oh, but becoming a cop the usual way is too much work! He'd rather just blackmail Andy into making him a cop. (Yeah, it just doesn't work that way Jason.) Andy, humors him a little bit, but yeah, you don't become a cop overnight. One night, Andy gives him a ride home and stops by a crime scene on the way and Jason helps tackle a drug dealer. He also spots a girl that he's decided to become obsessed with... Crystal Norris.
She's from Hot Shot, a.k.a. drug dealer land. Her father and her brother-cousins are meth dealers (and racist and homophobic and sexist and creepy). She's engaged to her half-brother Felton Norris (really) so they can 'breed'. Yes, they're literally inbreeders - they're a family of werepanthers, which as Jason put is "like a werewolf... only a panther?"
Now Jason is pretending to be a cop and being a total douche about it. He's suddenly no longer feeling guilty about Eggs... nope, he's on an obnoxious cocky power-trip, pulling over "Kitch" just to be an asshole and practically stalking Crystal. He goes to her cousin (the drug-dealer he tackled earlier) and trades him meth for information about Crystal. He and Crystal hook up, but then the next day she pretends she doesn't know him because of her finance/brother. She runs away from home to be with Jason, but then when Felton finds her, she pretends Jason kidnapped and raped her. (She's quite a lady.) They knock Felton out, plant drugs on him and call the cops... but he gets away because he's really strong (um, panther). Back at the police station, her cousin sees her and then she's afraid that they will think she's a snitch so she's hiding out with Jason.
Her dad comes looking for her, but gets his ass kicked by Sam (no really, Sam toughens up this season... you'll see). Lafayette helps Crystal save his life, by giving him vampire blood but he's even more pissed that she let those 'faggots' feed him 'vampire juice'. Yeah, thanks for saving my life. He takes off and she follows after him for some reason. She tells him that she doesn't want to marry and breed with Felton; he tells her that they're not supposed to mix and that Jason wouldn't want her if he knew what she really was.
Meanwhile, Jason is off saving Tara from Franklin and later confessing to her that he shot Eggs. Tara leaves and then Jason discovers that Sookie - who he was supposed to watching out for - is also gone. Bill is pissed when he finds out Jason lost track of Sookie, although really, when has Sookie ever done what people told her? How can he blame Jason? Jason's pissed right back so he un-invites Bill from the house. Then he hears a noise and there's a panther in his house. Guess Crystal decided to tell him the truth, in a totally scary way.
Jason takes off to look for Sookie, but instead finds Kitch and discovers he's using vampire blood to be a better athlete. Jason's pissed, but what can he do? So he goes back to Crystal. He tells her that no one in Bon Temps is quite who they seem, so who cares if she's a panther sometimes? Aw. The words every young werepanther just waits her whole life to hear. Of course, now that he's told her that he loves her, she wants him to go to Hot Shot and save the town from the DEA raid (mainly to protect all the inbred little kids that live there). Obviously no good can come of that plan.
- WHAT'S UP WITH SAM THIS SEASON?
Tommy starts off not too thrilled to have a new surprise brother (and pretty jealous over the fact that Sam got away from the Mickenses), but then he realizes that Sam can help him. Eventually Sam tells ol' Mom and Dad to fuck off and takes in Tommy and gives him a job at Merlotte's. This may or may not be a mistake, as Tommy-without-parents ends up being a little bit of a punk. He's also got a little bit of a crush on Jessica, unrequited.
Sam also goes through a downward spiral this season. First he's tormented over how to deal with his parents and new brother; then he's just tired of everyone shitting on him. Crystal's father comes in the bar looking for her and calls Sam a pussy so he goes ape-shit on him, nearly killing him. We also get to see a darker side of him in a flashback: He used to use his shifter powers to be a thief, but then his 'girlfriend' and her man double-crossed him and took all his money. He found them and beat the crap out of the guy, accidentally killing the girl (and then purposely killing the guy). Then he gets really drunk and is mean to everyone at Merlotte's, calling Arlene a bitch and even dissing sweet Terry who looked like he was going to cry when Sam called him "shell shocked". Sam also kicks Tommy out, who we see tampering with Sam's safe while Sam is fucking Tara. Suspense....
- WHAT'S UP WITH TERRY AND ARLENE THIS SEASON?
Arlene is pregnant. Surprise! Only the bad news is... she finds out that it's not Terry's baby. It's Rene's! (You remember evil serial killer Rene, right? Yikes. And... wait? Does that mean that only a few months have passed since season 1?) It takes Arlene a while to tell Terry the truth and he steps up as the absolute best person on True Blood ever, saying that he wants to marry her and raise the baby as his own. Love him. Of course, Arlene is still totally freaked about having Rene's baby. She's convinced that the baby is going to grow up to be a killer like Rene and is evil and needs to be stopped. She enlists the help of Merlotte's newest waitress Holly to induce a miscarriage.
She's a single mom, a waitress and a Wiccan. (I'm not sure exactly how accurate her portrayal of Wicca is, but so far it's at least better than the way some other shows and movies have portrayed witches.) Holly is also super-helpful and sympathetic: she talks to Tara at a local Rape Survivors meeting, she counsels Arlene about her pregnancy, she even offers Sam some herbs to help with his brand new rage problem. For some reason this all just makes me extra suspicious about her... no one on True Blood is quite what they seem.
Holly does a little ritual with Arlene in order to try to terminate the pregnancy and gives her an herbal 'decoction', but warns her that if the baby is meant to be born, it will be born, no matter what they do. Wouldn't you know it, the next time we see Arlene she's in bed bleeding and trying to calm down a frantic Terry. But when she gets checked out at the hospital, the doctor lets her know that the baby is fine (what!?) and is one strong little critter in there. The look on Arlene's face is priceless and funny and sad all at once.
- WHAT'S UP WITH SOOKIE THIS SEASON?
Who's dead? The trucker, a sad stripper, Lorena, Cooter, a handful of other werewolves (including one played by Don Swayze!), the Magister, Talbot, a TV news anchor, a Talbot-look-alike prostitute, and Franklin Mott. (PS: Check out True Blood's version of an In Memoriam video, it's hilarious... and gross.)
Who haven't we heard from in a few episodes?
- Alcide Herveaux: Please come back! And take off your shirt!
- Debbie Pelt: Has she given up on trying to avenge Cooter's death?
- Sookie's cousin Hadley: Is her son also a fairy? Is he in danger?
- Queen Sophie-Anne: If Russell dies, does she get to keep all of his money?
- The American Vampire League: Now that there's been an increase in anti-vampire hate crimes, will the Vampire Rights Amendment ever pass?
- Felton Norris: Will Crystal's fiance/half-brother try to kill Jason?
- Melinda and Joe Lee Mickens: Have they made their last appearance in Sam's life?
- You know they aren't actually going to let Eric die... How will he cheat the 'true death'?
- If Eric does live... does that mean we haven't seen the last of Russell Edgington either?
- What will happen when Jason and Crystal try to break up the DEA's raid on Hot Shot. No good can possibly come of that.
- Will Arlene come to terms with the fact that she's having Rene's baby or will she try to terminate the pregnancy again?
- Is anyone ever going to forgive Sam for all the horrible things he said?
- What the heck was Tommy doing breaking into with Sam's safe? And what will Sam do to him when he finds out?
- Can we please see some more of Alcide? We miss him. Bring back Alcide!
- Summer and Hoyt's mom are planning something, but what?
- What do Lafayette's visions really mean? Are the messages he's receiving really warnings?
- Is Tara finally okay? Will Tara ever be okay?
- Now that everyone knows Sookie is a fairy... will she ever be safe again?